Pain
by ScaliaFics94
Summary: MURVEN AU: Raven whisks into a Motorcycle Club to escape the threat of a storm. Murphy deals with a brewing alliance in between flirting with the newcomer.
1. Pain

"Pain. I like it rough. Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all." - Three Days Grace - Pain

Dedicated to maya_rutledge6 on Instagram for supporting me :)

MURPHY'S POV:

The doorbell chimed open on an unsuspecting Wednesday during a thunderstorm.

Whoever braved that storm out there must've had a death wish. Our clubhouse had a backup generator so we would be fine once things escalated. Heaven help the poor souls that got tangled with it.

Bellamy glanced up from our game of pool, then eyed his girl, Clarke. "You know her?"

She came over with a frosty stein in her hand, her blonde waves shook. "Why would I know her?" Her attitude reared up.

His eyes rolled as he took a sip of his beer, he could act like he didn't love it when she sassed him all he wanted but it got him off. Trust me, I've heard it. He licked the head off his lips.

"Hey, are we going to finish the game or?" I wiped the back of my hand over my nose.

Clarke disappeared behind us.

His eyes were glued to Clarke's ass no doubt. "Might call it a night."

A silent sigh left me. He always did this. God knows I love Clarke for being a part of our family but him ditching me for her was really starting to sting. But I didn't say anything because I'd been where he was now, head over heels in love.

My eyes went to Emori behind the bar. She was enthralled in a conversation with Shaw. If they wanted to do whatever it was they were bound to do then it was no skin off my back.

She met my gaze and her smile faded a bit. Maybe she too missed what we had. Even if it went to hell in the end. Some people were meant to end up as friends. Her eyes went to the girl that walked in.

Matter of fact, most of the club had turned their attention to her.

I reached into my back pocket for my cigarettes, stuck one between my lips, and turned around. I leaned against the pool table while I lit the end of my cigarette. Smoke blew out of my lungs when I looked up.

A raven-haired woman stood soaking wet in the middle of the floor in her white dress. She shivered with her arms folded across her chest. Her olive skin looked quite pale. Dark brown eyes locked onto mine.

Thunder cracked through the sky.

Mid puff, I stopped dragging because I got caught up in her story. What business did a beautiful woman like her doing in this dumb? Why was she out in the storm? If she was from around here she would've known not to be outside.

She hadn't looked away the same way I hadn't looked away from her. Why hadn't I looked away from her?

Echo went up and put her leather around her shoulders.

My jaw tightened at the sight for some reason.

She looked down at her with a predatory gleam in her eyes. She called dibs. As archaic as it was, those were the rules.

The girl glanced up at Echo with a friendly look, but from her stiff body, she sensed the danger in the room. Good. She should be afraid.

"I'm Echo," She took the woman's hand in hers.

"What happened to you?" Clarke interrupted her from asking another question.

Echo gave her a tight look.

Octavia came up to me. "Got a minute?" She nodded toward the back. Her black bob suited her well.

My eyes slid off the raven-haired woman onto her. I put out the cigarette on the end of the pool table. We cut through the kitchen, I followed her toward the walk-in.

Once we were inside we talked quietly.

"We can't move the product tonight," She started.

I nodded. "We can."

Her brow rose. "Did you notice the tornado out there?"

"We don't move it tonight and the Nightbloods don't cut us in. We _need_ that payday and alliance, Tay."

She gave me her look when she tired of my shit. "Don't Tay me, John. If we go out in that storm there's a chance we don't make it back. Besides, the State Police will be monitoring the bridge tonight. We can't move shit tonight."

I got into her face. "You should've thought of that before you brokered this deal for peace. You already know your brother will never go for it."

Her eyes turned determined as hell. "My brother will get over himself. Without this deal, war will inevitably come. I know that, but tonight's no good."

My teeth ground together. "I'll fucking do it myself."

"I've already called Titus. He can't even get to the drop point."

My hand flashed out against the metal shelving. "Why the fuck did you do that?" I glowered down at her.

"Because I'm not going to let you die, too." She met my gaze full on. "We can't afford to lose anyone else!"

Her reasonings were pure of heart surprisingly. She wanted to stop the bloodshed. The Nightbloods killed her first love, Finn, a few months ago. We were all still reeling from his loss. He'd been the peacekeeping, lovable dummy that had no business getting caught up in the line of fire, but he did it to prove himself to Octavia. She'd been hellbent on making sure he didn't die in vain.

My arms wrapped around her. "I gotcha, Tay." I rested my chin on top of her head.

She hugged me even though she was afraid of being perceived as weak. Her eyes looked up at me. "Promise me you won't go tonight."

I nodded. "Promise," I shivered. "Let's get out of here."

She went first, her steps paused when she saw Lincoln cooking an order behind the grille.

He stilled when he saw us coming out of the walk-in together. He tried not to glare at me.

She scoffed with a roll of her brown eyes, then marched out of the kitchen.

"Relax," I told him.

He went back to his burger with a stiff back.

I closed the door behind me, headed for the exit, and walked into one sopping wet, warm body. "Woah there," My hands went to her hips to steady her.

The raven-haired woman stared up at me in surprise with her body flush against mine. "Sorry,"

"Don't apologize,"

Her dark brown gaze felt heavy on me like I was the one dripping wet.

Clarke huffed from behind us. "Murphy, could you be a dear and get out of the way?"

I gave her a look, then cast my gaze onto the girl. "Do you want me to get out of the way?"

She faltered, then nodded. "I'm very cold."

My pride wasn't hurt at all even though I thought we had a moment.

"Right," I removed my hands and stepped aside.

Clarke ushered her toward her office and slammed the door shut behind them. It was interrogation time but Clarke did it in a way that didn't make you think you were being interrogated.

For a brief moment, I slipped into the supply closet, punched in the keycode for the safe, and shoved the product down the front of my pants.

I walked up to Bellamy.

He sulked by the bar.

"Guess you're not calling it a night after all." I poked fun.

He grunted, then scratched his beard. "New girl might make things interesting around here."

I faced the bar. "Things are always interesting around here." My eyes locked with Emori's. "Hey,"

She placed a bud light bottle in front of me. "Hey,"

I tipped it up in appreciation for the liquid that wouldn't prohibit me from fully functioning later as planned. "Thanks,"

She gave a half grin then went back to cleaning.

The beer, if you could call it that, went down easy. I leaned in toward Bellamy. "What's the play?"

"Hmm," He tore himself away from his staring match with Echo. "Are you really still talking about pool?"

His annoyance clawed at me. It wasn't about the damn game. Hell, it wasn't about the game at all. I wanted to know what he thought of this new girl coming in at a really inconvenient time, or convenient depending on how you looked at it. What got to me was that he didn't seem to get that we weren't us anymore. We used to be thick as thieves when we grew up in this joint. Lately, it seems like I'm just an end to a means to him.

"Forget it," I chugged the beer, then marched for the door.

"Hey, where you going, huh?" He called.

I pulled my keys out of my pocket and slid on my cuts that red Eden's Delinquents on the back. "Don't worry about it," I slammed the door shut behind me, put on my dome, pulled the clutch on my bike, and rode off into the pelting rain of the storm.

Driving angry was a sure fire way to eat asphalt, especially in a storm but I needed the air. I wasn't one to hold things in but with Bellamy things were different. Our daddies, daddies were the co-founders of our Motorcycle Club. They passed that birth right down to our fathers who passed it down to us. Only I didn't always want it. I still don't sometimes, but now I'm in it.

Bellamy had always been more into the whole lifestyle more than I did. He wanted to be up front and heard. I wanted to be in the shadows which weren't always possible with my government.

Growing up we'd make plans of how we were going to run things. Everything legal. Everything by the books. Now I was the one putting that in jeopardy for Tay. She'd been right there tailing behind us through the years as she tried to keep up. Hell, she was like a sister to me. So I would do this run to protect her if it meant her, Bellamy, and the rest of my family were safe.

Walking into the Nightbloods clubhouse was as nerve-wracking as I thought it would be. But the rush of danger tasted delicious on my tongue, something that came with the territory of this lifestyle.

Their Prospect greeted me with a pat down before I could come inside. If I wanted to I could kill him to send a message and that message would be that there would never be peace between us, that blood must have blood. Finn was owed that. However, Octavia's mission wasn't lost on me. So I kept up my end of the bargain.

"Why have you come?" Lexa demanded.

He whispered something in Lexa's ear, he protected his President like a lapdog at her throne.

She rose from her throne, her hazel glare beckoned me to follow her to her office with the presence of Titus.

"Speak, Delinquent." She ordered. Her eye makeup always fascinated me, the way it resembled warpaint wasn't lost on me.

I reached into my pants for the product.

Titus whipped his gun out at lightning speed. "Don't move a muscle,"

My movements seized. "Easy," I eyed Lexa. "He told you about the partnership Octavia and I are extending. I'm only here to deliver it."

The knife she twirled on the arm of the chair behind her desk stabbed into the wood. "And who exactly gave you the okay for this attempt at peace?"

Her door opened. "I did," Roan walked in.

She stared him down. "What have you done?" Her jaw clenched tight. "Who gave you the authority?!" She flung her knife at his head.

He leaned out of the way.

Turned out the target wasn't his head but a few inches to the right.

He cleared his throat. "We're expanding with our distributors and I thought their extra product would come in handy. I thought it would be a way for us to ease the tension around here. We have enough to worry about with the pigs up our ass with every move we make."

She slammed her hands down on the desk. "I'm not paying you to think, Roan. You're a part of this family because you've proven your loyalty. Now I'm not so sure you're done proving it." She stared at his Treasurer patch, then looked at Titus.

Roan came forward. "If we make this deal it's a win-win for all of us, Lexa. They get a cut so they're not competing with our customers and there's an understanding between us. We need this! And you would be a fool to think otherwise after the past few months."

Titus went at him. "You mind your tongue, boy."

Roan held him at bay.

"Enough!" Lexa demanded. She walked around her desk to step to me. "If I agree to this partnership, it has to be on a trial basis."

I nodded. "What are your terms?"

Her eyes shifted down for a moment then met mine. "No one can know besides you and Octavia. We'll have a few trial runs to test things out. If they end badly then no one would be the wiser besides us. If they go smoothly then we'll talk long-term solutions." She extended her arm.

My hand clasped around her forearm as hers did mine. "Deal." I smoothly handed over the drugs. "When should I come back?"

"You'll know," She went to her liquor cabinet. "A drink to good faith." Her tone suggested she didn't quite believe it could work but it was her duty as President to ensure the best for her Club. She poured us all shots of Bulleit Whiskey.

We toasted to our potential partnership.

Titus and Roan cleared out so we could have a private word.

"I meant what I said, Murphy. Discretion is key. If we broadcast this and it blows up in our faces then things could get a whole lot worse for both sides."

I nodded. "I'll keep up my end if you do yours. If anyone finds out about this they'll have my head after Finn."

Her eyes twinged in the slightest guilt. "If it helps any, I didn't relish in killing your friend." Her words held weight behind them so I knew she was telling the truth.

Unresolved emotion stung at my eyes but I blinked it away. "Thanks," I gave a tight grin, then made my way back to the Clubhouse with the weight of the world on my shoulders. This empty block inside of me roared up again.

I prayed that things went over as well as Octavia imagined. She wouldn't be happy about my traveling in the storm but I had something to offer her that should wipe that anger away.

Everyone quieted when I walked through the door, their eyes felt heavy on my skin. There was no way they knew about the deal. Octavia would never tell them.

Bellamy stared through me for a few moments, then offered a smoke.

We went to the back porch to puff away the things we would never talk about. The storm continued to paint the rest of our day.

"How's the girl?" I blew out a puff of smoke.

He did the same. "Clarke cleaned her up. She says she's clean. I trust her. Do you?"

My shoulders shrugged. "I don't even know the girl."

"Her name's Raven." He glanced at me. "It kind of looked like you knew her."

Raven. How fitting.

He turned toward me. "Look, we don't always see eye to eye but we're family at the end of the day. If I'm an ass you'll forgive me. You always do." He gave a slow smile in faith.

And he was right. I always did. I always would. He meant more to me than he would ever know. We were brothers but he wasn't always that for me in my mind growing up.

My eyes shifted toward the storm. "How long is she staying?"

"Until the storm passes." He put out the butt and chucked it onto the desert ground. He patted my shoulder before retreating back inside.

I blew out a heavy breath, then picked it up and threw it in the ashtray. When I turned around I was greeted by the woman. Raven. I guess I was supposed to call her Raven.

She wore what appeared to be Clarke's clothes, a pair of leather pants and a black V-neck with leather heeled boots. It didn't look out of place on her like I thought it would've. The girl in the white dress looked foreign now. And hot.

"Hi," She spoke. Her brown hair was lighter when wet and curly.

I stepped back into the safety of the porch. "Hi," I eyed her. "Sorry about before," I nodded toward the kitchen. "Sometimes I let my other head do the talking."

Her eyes narrowed a bit, she took a step forward. "Mind?" She gestured to my cigarette.

Instead of giving her her own I handed over the one from between my lips.

She gratefully took it. Her head leaned against the frame of the door when she let out a sigh. She handed it back.

Our fingers touched, a spark I hadn't felt in a long time rode its way up my hand.

I pulled back and took a drag.

She looked out at the darkened sky that became lit by lightning. "Isn't it peaceful?"

My eyes went to her. "The crack and boom of a thunderstorm are peaceful to you?"

She watched it play out with calming eyes. "Nature at work. It reminds us that we are only visitors on this planet. Nature has always found a way to correct our mistakes no matter how brutal it may seem." She glanced at me and held her hand out for more.

I passed it over. "Never thought about it like that."

Since coming back this was the first moment I felt like there wasn't a vice grip around my neck. It was nice.

My gaze landed on her.

She was already looking at me through thick lashes.

"What?" I asked with a tiny grin.

Her teeth dug into her bottom lip. "You're different than I thought you'd be."

My brow furrowed. "You mean from the ten seconds we met earlier?" I laughed a little. "Thanks, I guess."

She held a grin of her own. "All of you are different than I thought you'd be. Looks can be deceiving and all of that." She gave me back the nicotine.

"Never seen bikers before, huh?"

Her head shook. "Only in passing. And in the movies."

I grinned. "How are we holding up to in comparison?"

"A little disappointing," She teased. "Where's your ol lady?"

I leaned forward. "My ol lady?" I grinned. "What movies are you watching?"

She gave an expectant look.

"Don't have one," I answered. "Not anymore."

The breeze shifted direction and blew our way, a little drizzle dotted us. It felt refreshing.

"What about you?" I eyed her. "Break up with some poor guy? That why you were out in the storm?"

Her eyes dimmed. "You could say that."

Clearly, she didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't going to push her. She'd be out here tomorrow anyway.

To lighten the mood, I said, "Careful of Echo. She has her eye on you."

Her eyes flashed to mine. She laughed. "I noticed. The whole jacket thing freaked me out. Clarke gave it back to her."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "I'm sure she was thrilled about that."

"I don't know. I've been hiding in the office." Her arms went across her chest as a shiver passed through her.

"I'd offer you my cuts but I don't want you to get the wrong idea." I joked.

She played along. "What idea is that?"

"That I'm genuinely offering it to you so you won't be cold and not because a primal part of me wants to claim you in some way." I wasn't sure if she'd slap me.

Her eyes ran down my body, they stopped on my colored sleeves while she tried to make out the individual tattoos.

"Got any?"

She debated whether or not to answer which intrigued me. "Don't laugh," She turned around and lifted the back of her shirt to expose the blue butterfly on her lower back above her ass.

I swallowed my laughter. "Badass."

She sunk to the floor of the entryway. "Drunken night in college. It reminds me that split decisions are sometimes permanent."

I sat with her. "You have quite the outlook on life. You grow up an only child or something?"

"Does continuous Foster Care count?" She kept her gaze out before us.

Sympathy swirled in my chest. My family had always been extended with new additions all the time. I couldn't imagine not having any sort of loved ones.

"Was it lonely?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah," Her voice contained the strength she acquired from being on her own all her life. "Loneliness is a strange thing." Her eyes locked onto mine. "You can feel it even surrounded by people you love."

Her words struck something in me. I thought about the hole I felt earlier. It was starting to feel a lot like loneliness.

We stared at each other.

It seemed evident that she could sense what was inside of me better than my family could. Was I that obvious or was she just that good at reading people?

Our bodies used each other's heat to stay warm.

My eyes roamed over her face and landed on her mouth. "Do you feel lonely right now?" I lifted my eyes to hers.

There was curiosity in her gaze. "Surprisingly, no." She leaned into my space.

My lips tingled from her closeness. I lifted a brow.

Her hand slid onto mine. "Thanks," She plucked the rest of the cigarette from my grasp, then leaned back with a sexy smile.

"Cute,"

She extended her boots beside me. "I thought so."

We observed each other with our own grins.

"Where is it?"

I looked up to see Octavia headed our way. "Not now,"

"Yes, now." She eyed Raven. "Your room or do you want your girl to hear?"

Here we go with the theatrics.

A sigh left me. I got to my feet.

Raven offered back the cigarette.

My head shook. "Keep it," It wasn't much but it was all I really had to offer her in what would be our short time knowing each other.

"Thanks," She gave me a parting look.

I went with Octavia to my room. With the door closed behind us, I was prepared for her to rip me a new one.

Instead, she jumped on me. Her weight knocked me into the door. Her body pressed against mine.

My head hit the wood of the door. A sigh left me. "I can't keep doing this, Tay."

"I wasn't the one who started this."

She was right. One piss drunken night, it was just the two of us. I was upset about Emori, she was upset about Finn. Something made me reach forward to grab her mouth with mine...and things went from there. A few times. It wasn't ever out of some unsaid love we had for each other, just a need to stop feeling every once in a while. To not be lonely maybe.

Bellamy would kill me if he found out.

"We can't keep doing this," I whispered to her.

Her eyes misted over. "Please. Just this last time."

I hated to see her hurting. Maybe that was also some of the reason this kept happening. Hell, I needed it today too.

So I took her mouth in mine, then walked her toward my bed. The events of the day played over in my head. Out of all the craziness, the one thing that stuck in my head was Raven's words. 'Loneliness is a strange thing. You can feel it even surrounded by the people you love.'

As I laid with Octavia I wondered if that was to be my blessing or my curse.

A/N: So this really came about because one of my cool followers on my The 100 Instagram suggested I start doing AU's for my Murven aesthetic boards under my Murven biker gang board so I thought this one up. I think I'll continue this. Please leave your thoughts below or DM me. You can follow me on Instagram zaven_murven if you'd like and also on Tumblr scaliarunsmylifenowareyouhappy


	2. Something To Believe In

"Just give me something to believe in" : Young the Giant - Something To Believe In

MURPHYS POV:

The storm didn't end during the night. Raven pretty much stayed in the spare room all night. She wasn't willing to let her guard down enough to party with us. I didn't blame her. Part of me wanted to knock on her door, for sex or something I hadn't figured out, but I talked myself out of it before I could be an idiot.

My morning consisted of grabbing a fresh cup of coffee after I showered. I sipped it by the back porch as I wondered how long would it go on.

"Got one for me?" A groggy female asked.

I threw a look over my shoulder to find Raven on her way over to me. I offered some of mine.

She sipped it while looking at me, then paused. She surprised me by spitting it back into the mug. "Hot,"

I couldn't help but laugh at her adorableness. "You can go ahead and keep that, Raven."

She wiped her mouth, her eyes sweeped over me before they landed on the weather. "It's calmed down a bit. I'll be out of your hair within the hour," She pushed off the doorframe and started back toward her room presumably.

My hand reached out for her shoulder.

Her eyes slid to mine, they widened because I was closer than she realized.

"You don't have to go," I told her. It surprised me how much I didn't want her to leave. It felt like I had a clear head around her.

"I mean, the storm isn't going anywhere any time soon. I'm not going to send you out into it,"

Her eyes softened a tad. "Most people wouldn't care,"

I removed my hand in case I made her feel threatened. "We're not most people,"

"No, you're not," Her time implied that she was talking about me specifically.

That felt good to hear even if my ego blew it out of proportion.

Still, I motioned toward the kitchen. "This is Lincoln. He'll make you anything you want whenever he's back here." I leaned in to whisper, "He's one of our better cooks."

He looked between us when I stood up, then kindly smiled at Raven. "Lincoln," He offered a hand. "Everyone calms me Linc. What do you want for breakfast?"

She looked put on the spot but answered as if it were obvious. "French toast and bacon."

"Sounds good. Make it two orders, please."

He nodded as he got started.

Lincoln had always been a man of peace himself, but he'd fight when he had to. He'd get his hands dirty when he had to, not any time else. I got the impression he often thought we took him for granted in the kitchen, but he was great at it, and it seemed to allow him plenty of time to his own thoughts. He was a thoughtful guy.

"Come on," I looked at Raven. "I want to show you something,"

"Is it your first dollar made?"

I chuckled. "No, that's framed behind the bar. This is-"

We ran into Emori coming down the stairs.

My heart stuttered. "Hey," I said.

Her eyes were on Raven for a few seconds longer than they needed to be before they returned to me. "Hey,"

"You've met Raven right?"

Raven reached a hand forward.

Emori took it. "Nice to meet you officially." She had a polite enough tone.

"You as well,"

Tension hung in the air.

"So," Emori rocked forward. "You're giving her the tour?"

I nodded. My hand ran through my hair. "Yeah-yeah." I cleared my throat.

She looked between us, then nodded. "Okay. Have fun." She proceeded down the stairs so we could pass.

Everything went still for a moment.

Raven passed me on the stairs. "No ol lady, huh?"

I gave her a look. "Ex ol lady."

"You sure about that?"

I pursued her up the rest of the stairs. "More than anything," My eyes slid to her ass in those jeans. I didn't want to be one of those guys that primarily focused on looks but boy did Raven have them. Damn if her legs didn't look mouthwatering in those jeans.

She paused when she got to the top which made me walk into her.

My body wanted to meld to hers but I held back. I got the slightest scent of warm, fresh air. No perfume. Most girls I knew wore perfume.

"Sorry," She apologized.

I stepped around her, my eyes locked onto hers. "Thought I told you not to apologize. It's more attractive when women own who they are."

Those words seemed like the first that I said to affect her.

I kept my smirk to myself, then directed her to the movie lounge. "We have a much larger Clubhouse than most. This was intentional. Bellamy and I decided that we didn't want to live in squalor. We're bikers with taste." It was sort of a joke but sort of not. We'd gone above the budget to make sure this place felt like a home for everyone. A few extra rooms could go a long way for some who didn't have much.

Her eyes widened at the theater. She twirled around to inspect everything. "Wow, you guys really went above and beyond,"

"If you like this wait until you see the library."

She turned to me. "There's a library? Do you even know how to read?"

I gave a tight grin at her lame insult even though I was amused. "Funny."

She smirked when she walked toward me. "I want to see the library."

We walked toward the end of the hall where the double doors were. I pushed them open. "After you,"

Her feet took her inside the room that was shockingly utilized. I went a little overboard with the Harry Potter theme.

Typically, there was always someone in here. We liked to read. I could see how that would be a foreign concept to an outsider.

"What do you like to read?" She ran her hand over a few of the book binds. Her eyes fell on mine. "Let me guess," She looked cute in deep thought. "You're team Spike, right?"

I was sure my confusion spread across my face. My hands shoved into my jean pockets as I walked toward her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She blushed a bit. "No Vampires, check." She picked up one to sift through. "Aliens?" She peeked up at me. "Or are you into non-fiction?"

"Definitely not," I blew out a heavy sigh. "Real life is grim enough."

We settled onto a plush olive green couch by one of the tall windows.

"Tell me about yourself," I wanted to know more without prying but she appeared willing to talk with me more so I settled in.

"What do you want to know?" She shrugged.

I gave her a look that let her know that it didn't matter what she said, I just wanted her to say something.

She pulled her knees to her chest protectively, the mug balanced on her kneecap. "Um," She thought of something to say. "You already know that I grew up in the system. That was pretty shitty but it taught me that people ultimately let you down. It doesn't matter if they had good intentions or didn't want to hurt you." Her eyes strayed away from mine probably because it was easier to divulge sensitive details about yourself to someone you barely knew when there was minimal eye contact. "I'm guilty of that myself." She paused. "As soon as I was old enough to take care of myself I ditched the notion that family was this perfect package that everyone got. Sometimes you just got what you got." She looked at me.

I nodded. "Sometimes you just don't get what you don't get."

A tiny, brief smile of understanding passed over her face. "After I turned eighteen I went from place to place again. It was like the cycle couldn't be broken. I'd go somewhere, might settle in, and then somehow I screw _everything_ up."

My arm rested on the back of the couch, I faced her completely. "Why do you think that?"

"Maybe I'm just a damaged soul." She gave a humorless laugh. "I don't even know if I believe in all of that."

My finger touched her shoulder. "Well, you seem like a nice person to me."

Her head shook. "You don't know me, Murphy." My name on her lips sounded like an enigma.

I almost said that I was trying. Almost.

She rested her chin on her knees. "Maybe that's my curse. Being lonely." Her words brought back to mind the fact that I had the same thought last night.

"We aren't so different." I threw out there, my eyes scanned the room. "I hope one day we both can find something to fill that void."

"Dick," She muttered.

My eyes snapped to her. "Hmm?"

She chuckled to herself. "Nevermind,"

This girl was something else. She wasn't like a dream. She was real and right in front of me. But I also knew that she wouldn't be for much longer. There wasn't anything I could do about that.

She watched me.

"Yes?"

"Feel free to not answer, but when you were with Emori did you feel the same? Lonely, I mean."

Her question provoked thoughts that hadn't ever run through my head before. So I didn't answer it lightly.

I rested my head in my hand that was propped on the back of the couch. "At the time, it didn't feel like it. Reflecting on it now, I probably was." My eyes went to hers. I whispered, "Until recently, I hadn't much considered the fact that I was the problem. I could've always been the problem when it came to relationships."

"No, you seem pretty perfect." She joked.

A genuine smile came to my face at her attempt to make me feel better. She was hard to read. Like now when her eyes held a sliver of seriousness from her words. Surely, she didn't think that? Not after what she'd seen.

She cleared her throat. "Got any other hideaways I haven't seen?"

I smirked more to myself than to her. "There is one." I led her to my room.

Her demeanor shifted. "If this is a ploy to get me to sleep with you-"

I turned toward her. "Relax, I wouldn't try..." I stopped talking from the conflicting emotions in her eyes. I stepped back. "You noticed my tattoos. I did some of them." I walked toward the door that led into my studio.

It looked how most studio's looked. Artsy with neon signs, drawn tattoos, pictures of the tattoos I've done, posters of sex, drugs, and rock n roll. Nothing out of the ordinary. But the way she looked at it made me question if I wasn't seeing things clearly.

"Don't look so impressed. This is only my most passionate pastime."

She nodded. "I can tell." She moved closer, her hand pushed up the sleeve of my black thermal while the other held my arm so she could get a better glimpse.

I tried not to act affected by her touch but she was so close. Her warm scent reminded me of something that felt dear to me but I couldn't pinpoint it. Her skin was so soft against mine.

She looked like she was trying to figure out which tattoos I did myself, from the smug look in her eyes now I'd say she had a few guesses.

"Let's hear it." I wasn't sure if I stepped closer to her or if she moved closer to me. However, we were definitely pushing the personal bubble limits.

Her finger touched the infinity symbol on the inside of my wrist.

I slightly raised my brow with a held in grin.

She turned my arm over to point to the phrase 'Go float yourself'.

I simply watched her, wondering if she was feeling this overwhelming flutter in her chest as well.

"What does that mean?" Her voice sounded husky. She felt so incredibly warm in front of me.

"Maybe I'll tell you another time."

Would there be another time?

She fought her grin and pointed to the baby cockroach dressed in a male toddlers clothes. "You have to explain this one."

"Easy," I started with fond memories in my eyes. "When I was younger I was always getting into trouble. Someone nicknamed me Baby Cockroach. It stuck for a while until I stopped getting into so much trouble."

Her grin spread across her face. "And now?"

I leaned forward. "Now I get into less trouble but with bigger consequences." I didn't hide the fact that I liked staring at her.

She seemed to like it.

"You should let me tattoo you before you go."

Words were about to come out of her mouth but she stopped herself. Her hand tucked some hair behind her ear maybe as a segway to put some distance between us. She browsed around some more.

"Isn't that kind of personal?" She asked. "Aren't I supposed to trust you and whatnot?"

I shrugged. "Did you trust whoever gave you that butterfly?"

She nervously chuckled. "I was drunk."

My hands raised. "Hey, no pressure. Just thought I'd offer something for you to remember us by when you go off to your new adventure." I wandered over to my tools for a moment of clarity. "Do you know where you're going?"

"I thought I'd go to Utah or Colorado."

I threw a brief look over my shoulder. "Arizona isn't doing it for you anymore?"

"I said I thought I'd go, not that I was."

Something in me was afraid to turn around. Was there something or someone else keeping her here?

When I was brave enough to face her I caught her staring at one of the only pictures in here of Bellamy and I with our dads that was taken years ago.

I went to her but gave her enough room so she wouldn't run away again.

"You looked so happy, so ambitious. What happened?" She turned her head to look my way.

There should've been an answer to easily give but it wasn't that easy.

So I went with, "Life happened,"

Her eyes held onto mine long enough for me to be the one to look away.

RAVEN'S POV:

Connections came and went for me all my life. This one with Murphy was one I hadn't expected at all. It was more inconvenient than anything, but it was there. I watched him excuse himself.

A sigh left me.

I knew I needed to leave before things could get any messier. He seemed nice and I didn't want to hurt him.

MURPHY'S POV:

The day passed as did the storm. Bellamy announced that Raven would be leaving us this evening.

Clarke eyed me. Her hand rested on my shoulder.

"We should throw her a going away party." Miller chimed in.

Her shock was almost funny. "What? No, that's not necessary."

I don't know if I was punishing her for leaving but I spoke up. "It'll be fun. You were only here a short while but you can leave knowing you won't be forgotten." I stared her down.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and threw out a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "How can I turn down an offer like that,"

Clarke made her way to her in excitement. "Can I give you a makeover? You're already smoking but it's your last night here and I think you should look the part."

I put my back to them. "Are you going to stop her?" I looked at Bellamy.

"Clarke will try to give me a makeover if I try, so no." He gave me an amused look. "You okay?" He crunched on a chip from his lunch.

Was the sky red?

I nodded. "A shot," I told Emori.

She gave me a worried look but proceeded to pour me a shot of Rum.

Bellamy slapped a hand on my back. "Rum. What's wrong?"

The sweet but hard liquid coated my throat. "Don't want to talk about it." I motioned for another.

Emori skeptically obliged.

I dumped the second shot down with a wince. "Another,"

Emori looked to Bellamy in question. "How about a nice cold beer?" She said it as if it were more enticing.

"I don't want a beer, I want what I asked for!" I all but yelled at her.

You could hear a pin drop.

There was worry evident in her eyes but it wasn't her job to worry anymore. She set down the bottle and slid it my way before she walked off into the back.

The tiniest bit of guilt hit me but I was tired of people second-guessing me and going above my head to Bellamy for the say so. Perhaps they could smell my indecisiveness. Perhaps they've been able to smell it all along.

I grabbed the bottle.

Somehow I ended up in my bed hours later with a serious headache. There was a glass of water with a single packet of Alka-Seltzer sitting on my bedside table.

My arm went across my eyes as I sighed. I laid there for a bit until I realized the loud music was the going away party for Raven. Well, I wasn't going out there like this. I downed the nasty ass water, then cleaned myself up, and threw on a black dress shirt and decent jeans. I rolled up my sleeves because she seemed to like my tattoos.

Clarke was the first person I bumped into when I joined the party. "How you feeling?"

I shrugged it off. "Could be better." I found Raven dancing with Octavia, Echo, and Miller. Raven was a bit tipsy it seemed. She looked too hot for words.

"You're welcome." Clarke nudged me.

My eyes rolled. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She playfully punched my shoulder. "You're upset she's leaving. It wasn't hard to guess. That's why you drunk half that bottle."

Half?!

What the fuck? Why'd they let me drink that much? To be fair, I did yell at Emori to give it to me.

Remorse coursed through me. "How much of an ass did I make out of myself?"

Emori walked by at that moment. "Only the average amount."

I went after her. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you." I sighed. "It wasn't about you."

Her arms folded across her chest, she popped a hip out. "I have eyes dumbass, I know it wasn't about me. Still doesn't give you the right to treat me like shit."

My hand went to her shoulder. "You're right," My hand slid to her bicep. "I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Forgive me?" I gave my best adorable smile.

She gave in with a reluctant grin. "Fine, don't let it happen again."

"I'm not an idiot."

She laughed. "Let's not get carried away." She patted my face, then went off to mingle.

I watched her go with a smile.

Even if it was only a small victory, I felt good about the exchange. We'd been tense the past few months since the breakup. All I had to do was keep my head out of my ass long enough for us to potentially get back to being friends. I missed her.

When I put my attention back on the mini dance party in the middle of the floor I caught Raven's gaze easily. I hoped I hadn't said anything incriminating to her in my drunken stupor.

I walked over to them, my eyes stayed on hers the entire time.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Miller joked.

Octavia threw her arms around me. "You were a hot mess earlier." Her forehead leaned into mine.

I grinned at her. "What's new,"

"O," Bellamy called her to attention.

We pulled away from each other. A sliver of worry passed between us but we put distance between us before anyone could speculate.

I put my attention on Raven. "Hey,"

She looked me up and down. "Hey yourself." Her tipsiness was a mix of very cute and extremely hot.

I couldn't get over her in the red dress and heels Clarke put her in. Her hair had been straightened, then curled. Her face was all done up with makeup. The most distracting thing about her was her red lips.

Fuck me.

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to dance with me?" She proposed.

My brow arched, but I grinned nonetheless. I wasn't much of a dancer but she was lucky I wanted to have one last moment to remember her by. When I said I wasn't a good dancer I meant I wasn't going to Julliard but I could hold my own on the floor.

I took her hand in mine when the Young the Giant song hit the room, I led her away from the others.

Echo gave me an annoyed look.

I ignored her to focus on the body that moved enticingly in front of me. I kept up with her as best as I could. Really she was doing all the heavy lifting.

She grinned at me before she threw her arms in the air and let the indie rock manipulate her body. That dress hugged her in all the right places. I think it belonged to Octavia, but it didn't look like that on her by a long shot. She turned around and backed into me.

Damn if she didn't feel good against me. My hands went to her hips, I leaned down to talk in her ear. "I think I like you tipsy,"

Her hands rested on top of mine and slid them down her body. Her ass was pressed right against my dick.

Words got caught in my throat. My breath caught on the back of her neck.

She turned to me. Her eyes held sex in them. She pressed one hand to my abs as she leaned up on her tiptoes to meet my ear.

My hands steadied her.

"I want you to put your art on my body." Her breath tickled my ear deliciously.

I smirked at her. "You're not coherent."

She pulled back a little and gave me a semi-serious look. "I'm more coherent than you think."

"Yeah, okay," I said with a bit of disbelief. I tugged her along to my room more so to sober her up a bit so we could talk.

Maybe a party wasn't the best idea. It was early but I wouldn't feel comfortable letting her go off in the desert at night. Could I talk her into staying another night?

I handed her a bottle of water from the mini-fridge. "Drink," My eyes dared her to defy me.

She tipped the bottle back for a few seconds and somehow the water was all gone. She grinned. "I suck things down quick."

I laughed. "Okay, I'll remember that." I started for the studio because I didn't want her for one moment to sit on my bed, not on those sheets that Octavia and I rolled around in.

She followed. "Not what I meant," Maybe the water was working.

"Uh huh," I teased. The back of my neck danced in tingles from her closeness when we entered the studio. I turned to her. "What do you want?" I motioned toward the tattoo chair.

"Surprise me," She settled in.

I sterilized everything and prepared the gun. "I thought tattoos reminded you that split second decisions were sometimes permanent." I faced her when I slid on the black latex gloves.

Her gaze darkened when she eyed the gloves. Whether she aware of it or not, she bit her lip. Her body tensed, but not out of second-guessing herself.

Did we have a kink here?

"Raven," I tried to hide the want in my voice.

Her eyes drifted up to mine. "Yes," Hers held certainty.

That was all I needed to hear.

I got to work, I tried to stay in my head. I tried to stay professional but she made little whimpers that brought another act to mind.

"I'm halfway through, do you want me to stop?" My eyes hit hers as I hovered over her.

Without looking down at it, she said, "Don't stop."

Those words struck in my pants. I wanted to hear her say them while I was inside of her most definitely warm and tight pussy.

I got back to work with a smirk.

When I was almost finished I noticed her leg hitched up a bit, as a result so did her dress. God give me the strength.

If anything she seemed sober and very clear headed. So was this really what she wanted as her going away present? If I had severely misread things then holy hell would I be embarrassed but I wouldn't have to see her again.

"There," I lifted the needle from her wrist.

She excitedly peered down at the big, black 'R' I tatted on the inside of her wrist. I had the R from one of Rihanna's albums in mind.

"It's not much," I kind of thought it would remind her that she was her own home, but I didn't dare say that.

She pulled her wrist closer. "No, I love it." She peered up at me.

To lighten the mood, I said, "That'll be seventy bucks."

She laughed. "Put it on my tab."

Even though she probably remembered all the rules I repeated the self-care rules for ink and handed her a little paper of instructions.

She nodded. "I'll make sure to do that," She stood.

"When do you think you're leaving tonight?" I sat on the table behind me.

She walked in between my legs. "I think we both know I'm not leaving tonight,"

My mouth went dry. Was this really playing out like a grade school fantasy?

My eyes searched hers. Once I read what was going to happen, I decided to play dumb. "Are you sure? I can get you a hotel room." I cocked a half grin.

Her body was a hair away from mine. "No more talking." She said almost against my mouth. A moment later, her tongue flicked out across my bottom lip.

Yeah, I was hard.

I stayed where I was because I wanted her to make all the moves even though I wanted nothing more than to shove into her right now.

Her hand grabbed one of my still gloved hands, lowered it under her dress, and pressed one finger between her pussy lips. She let out a whimper.

Fuck. I could tell she was soaking wet from the ease I had running my hand up and down her pussy on my own. I held the control now that I lightly grazed her clit with my thumb.

Her knees buckled. "Uhh,"

My mouth descended on hers.

She willingly opened her mouth to me. Her tongue danced with mine. Her quiet little pants turned into moans when I inserted a finger into her. "Oh, fuck."

I could tell she was a double digit kind of girl so I added another. "Feels good?"

She nodded while trying to keep quiet.

"Use your words." I started to really finger fuck her.

"So good,"

I stared her deep in her eyes when I fucked her faster.

She let a moan slip out. Her head fell back in pleasure.

"Look at me," I demanded.

Her personality wasn't submissive in the slightest but since she saw those black latex gloves she sure acted like it. I would be lying if I said I didn't find it extremely hot.

Those brown eyes held a primal need to get off. "Harder," She moaned.

My brow arched. "Harder?"

She nodded. "Yes,"

"Yes, what?"

I could see the internal struggle in her eyes but I could also see that she didn't want to win it.

"Yes, sir." She almost got off saying it.

I gave her what she wanted and watched while she fell apart even more by my hand. It was all I had to not replace my hand with my cock. The palm of my hand worked her clit as best as it could.

"Murphy, right there,"

I paused. "Right here?"

She groaned in frustration. "Please,"

"Please, what?" I stared down at her.

"Please, don't stop."

I thrust my fingers inside of her hard once. "Don't stop, what?"

She bit her lip. "Don't stop, sir." She begged.

A grunt left me while I roughly pounded into her.

Her mouth fell open in ecstacy. "Fuck, yes." Her pussy muscles constricted around my fingers which told me she was close.

My tongue lightly played with hers. "You're going to cum on ten. One."

One hand grabbed tight onto my shirt.

"Two."

Her walls were so warm and tight. She cried out.

"Three."

"Shit, I'm cumming." An orgasm erupted from her suddenly. Her eyes fluttered. "Murphy," She took what else I could offer her.

I brought my free hand to wrap around her throat. My lips spoke against hers. "My bed. Now." I slid my fingers out of her.

She gasped.

I was about to take the gloves off when she said, "Keep them on,"

Excuse the fuck out of me.

My eyes gazed at her in mischief.

She chuckled. "Not who you thought I was now, am I?"

I unbuttoned my black shirt while I watched her slowly back away in a game of cat and mouse. "I like it," I wanted to say that I liked her but I thought that would send her running faster.

Her eyes trailed down my bare chest to the tiny tatts that dotted my abs. She teased the tiny strap of her dress down her shoulder.

I grew a pair and asked what I wanted to ask all day. "You should stay, Raven." I took the gloves off and tossed them in the trash.

"That's what I thought we were doing."

I braved a step forward. "No," I gave what was surely a nervous laugh. "I mean, you should stay."

She understood what I was getting at. She looked at a loss for words.

The door to the studio flashed open.

We startled at the interruption. An older, beer gutted man that held a gun entered with a scowl on his sun chapped face.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I had a gun under the table that I could get to if he was distracted. My eyes went to Raven.

She held her hands in the air. "How'd you find me?" Her voice was tight.

My head cocked. "You know this man?"

She briefly looked at me and stiffly nodded. "Sort of."

He stomped forward. "Go ahead, sweetheart. Tell him the truth."

I was about to correct him on the sickeningly way he said 'sweetheart' but I heard what he said. "What truth?"

"That she's a scheming slut that lifted my wallet and bike off of me!"

Our eyes locked. She held fear in hers.

I hardly knew her but I didn't want it to be true. However, she was much a lone ranger who I imagined had to do a few cons to get on.

He pointed his gun at her.

"Hey, hey, hey," I inched more into his view. "Don't point the gun at her, point it at me."

Out of aggravation, he waved it between us.

I noticed the music had stopped but he sure didn't. It was only a matter of seconds before he wasn't the apex predator anymore.

"Whatever she took I can replace." I stalled.

"What? No!" She objected angrily. "He tried to ra-He..." Her eyes watered.

A rage size knot formed in my stomach. Only have known her for twenty-four hours I felt protective of her when I clearly didn't need to be but that didn't stop the old monster in me that wanted to come out to rip this guy apart.

Her mouth thinned while she tried to rein in her emotions. "I knocked him out and took his shit and dumped it."

Jackson, Octavia, and Miller slowly invaded the room with their weapons.

"You move and you die," Octavia threatened. She wanted peace more than anything but I guess she'd taken a liking to Raven.

The man froze. "Don't shoot." He begged. "I just want my stuff back."

Miller and Jackson surrounded him with their guns.

Octavia went over to Raven to make sure she was okay.

I couldn't get the image of this man trying to force himself on Raven. Not that she probably couldn't take care of herself but this guy was huge. I could only imagine how scared she'd been. Then she got here and I tried to be Mr. Suave.

My hand reached under the table to grab the gun. When I walked over to them I clenched my jaw tight to hold in the rage that wanted out and then I pulled the trigger. Six times. Some of his blood dotted my skin. I squatted down to peer over him, then looked up at Raven.

She watched in horror but I could also see a sliver of satisfaction in her dark eyes.

"Where's the shovel," Jackson commented. He grabbed a hold of him with Miller's help.

Octavia rushed to them. "Wait," She got a good look at the tattoo on his neck. "Fuck." She came to me after she ushered them away. "He was Eligius."

I tried to hold in my curse but it flew out anyway. I chucked the gun into the corner of the room. My hands slid down my face. "You really know how to pick them," My eyes went to Raven.

"Excuse me?" Her boldness shined in her eyes.

Bellamy rushed in with Clarke. Their clothes were half off and he had lipstick along his mouth. I wondered if that's how we looked.

"That guy I just killed belonged to a Club we've had long standing peace with." I walked toward her. "Now that might be fucked up." I wasn't really angry at her but I didn't know where to direct my anger.

Maybe we were more angry at each other because we weren't fucking.

"I didn't ask you to kill him for me!" Her red lips defended.

My eyes dipped down to them.

"I've clearly overstayed my welcome. Thanks, but I'm going to go." She started for the door.

My hands stopped her.

She gave me a fierce look.

I removed them with a cautious expression. "That's not the best idea."

"No, I need to. I don't want to cause you anymore trouble." She sounded genuinely remorseful as she went to gather the little she had, what we gave her.

My eyes went to Bellamy's.

He stepped in her way.

She stopped. "What are you doing?"

His huge arms folded across his chest. "Sorry, Raven. We can't let you leave until we figure this out."

She twisted around to face me. "Really?" She slowly headed my way. Her eyes held clear cut hurt in them. "So now I'm a prisoner, is that it?"

My eyes said that I was sorry but my mouth said, "You're not running away this time. We'll keep you safe from the law in the time being."

She stared at me incredulously. "I don't want this lifestyle."

I regrettably said, "Then you should've stumbled into another bar." I walked away from her with a whole other slew of problems on my hands now.

A/N: How do yall feel about the ending? Do you like the Murven development? What would you like to see happen? Follow me on Instagram if you want more murven at zaven_murven :)


	3. Mercy

The song for this chapter is Shawn Mendes - Mercy (the song I wanted to use was too mushy for this early on so don't judge me yall lol)

MURPHY'S POV:

It had been a few hours since I sentenced Raven a captive.

All we had done was lock her in her room with guards outside the door and window for her protection. Really, it held a strain of kidnapping but I wasn't doing this because of my personal feelings for her. This was business.

"Let me go check on her," Clarke held a plate of food. "Maybe I can calm her down."

Bellamy perched on the corner of the desk, he gave his head a shake. "No," He looked at her. "She may use her connection to you to get you to let her go."

That was the wrong thing to say because her a single blond eyebrow arched up in scorn. "I wasn't asking," She headed for the door.

He looked at me.

I was closest to the door so I stepped in her way.

Annoyance rolled off of her. "Move out of my way, Murphy." When I didn't she asked, "Do you want her to have more reasons to run or stay?"

My wooden stance faltered. Damn Clarke for knowing I cared. Honestly, it wasn't a secret. Nonetheless, I stepped aside so she could get to Raven.

"Really?" He sighed.

"Like you wouldn't have done the same," I admonished.

Octavia pushed open the door, her hand still on the knob. "We've got a problem out there,"

"Deal with it, O. We got to finish discussing this."

She gave an exasperated sigh. She closed door like she was leaving but she left enough space for it to be the two of us in a moment. "You okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah." I gave her a look of confidence. "You better go take care of that."

She grinned, then went to go handle business.

When I turned around Bellamy stared at me hard.

As unnerving as it was, I pushed it aside so we could continue and finally get some sleep tonight. The longer we talked, or he talked, the more my mind drifted toward Raven and how she was doing. I wanted nothing more than to go check on her but it wouldn't be wise.

Still, I was a sadist so when we wrapped things up I tipped toward her room.

Kane moved aside. "She's quiet, I think she's sleeping."

I entered her room.

She wasn't asleep. She'd set up shop by the window, probably thinking up ways to run away.

"I said I wanted to be left alone, Clarke." Her voice sounded tear-filled.

"Sorry to disappoint." I stopped in the middle of the room.

She stilled in her chair. "Get out,"

My head shook even though she probably couldn't see it. I slid my hands in my pockets. "I know you don't want to see me but I wanted to see you."

"Well, I don't want to see you." Her head hung.

I could hear her little cries and it broke my heart. "Raven," I inched forward. "I'm not trying to hurt you." When I got closer I realized she'd probably been able to see me in the window reflection.

She snapped around in her chair and stood. "I said leave!" Her brown eyes were bloodshot red and puffy from crying so much.

I'd done that to her, there was no going back.

"No," I stood my ground. "I'm not leaving." My eyes searched hers. "I'm not leaving you, Raven."

The look of hopeless that washed over her broke my heart. That is until she reeled her fist back and clocked me in the jaw.

Alright, maybe I was going to leave.

"I said get out, asshole!" She yelled.

My feet backed away while I raised my hands. "Fine," I wanted her to see that I cared but perhaps tonight wasn't the shining example of that.

Kane looked at me when I exited and laughed. "I can tell she really likes you."

"Shut up, Kane." I walked off.

Nearly a week passed. I handled of all that came out way. The police, a few men of Eligius, anyone that looked suspicious. Even if Raven didn't see it yet we were now family. And family didn't let you drown. Even if was draining.

Well, she didn't see it and the only people that could come close to her were Clarke, Octavia, and surprisingly Bellamy. The last one really pissed me off. Why was he suddenly someone she could relate to and not me?

She looked over her shoulder as if she could feel my presence.

With a wave of a hand the library grew empty sans the two of us. I stayed by the door and watched her from across the room.

She slid a book back into place. "Am I free to leave yet?"

"Tonight's movie night. You wouldn't want to miss that." My joke fell flat.

She picked another book to inspect.

It wasn't one of those conversations I could see, so I got straight to the point. "Would you prefer to run forever looking over your shoulder?" I treaded forward. "We can protect you. I can protect you."

The book in her hand flew across the room. "I didn't ask for that!" She faced me. "I don't need you to make me your charity case."

I stared in confusion. "You think this about charity? I killed someone for you, Raven."

"Don't put that on me." She pointed to her chest. "I didn't make you pull the trigger."

A breath of righteousness left me. "You're right, I was the one that killed him." I agreed as I walked toward her. "But that doesn't change the fact that he's dead and was looking for you. Who knows how many people he asked to find you." I finally stood in front of her.

There had been a few that stopped by that we lead away. Nothing too serious but any one of them would have turned sour.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Then this is the worst place for me to be if the police come looking for me!"

"The only pigs we have to worry about are the ones we don't have in our pockets." I didn't tell her that they wouldn't care about a low life Biker as much as she thought. She needed to be more afraid of them than us. "You're a liability for us." I hated to say it like that but it was true.

Her cold eyes stared into mine. "If I'm such a liability then why don't you shot off a round in me too?"

I let my anger diminish before I answered. "I'm doing this for you."

"You're not doing this for me, Murphy." She threatened. "You want to keep me here for you!"

The accusation wasn't far off but that was the last thing on my mind right now.

My head shook. "When I asked you to stay before I meant it. But get over yourself for a moment if you think that's why I'm doing this,"

She looked over my face, an array of emotions played across hers. "You're not worried about getting in trouble for this?"

"I told you, less trouble with bigger consequences."

She put a bit of distance between us.

I licked my lips. "Believe me when I say I'm not happy about any of this but it's for the best."

Something I said must've gotten through to her because she was considerably less angry when she spoke again. "So what? I'm supposed to live like one of you until things blow over? Go about my day like this is normal?"Her hand gestured between us. She moved toward me. "I'm not down for this,"

She was giving my whiplash.

"You seemed down last night." I saw that my words hit her like a slap so I stepped toward the middle of the room for a breather. "Look, what we started isn't something that I want to force you to start back up. That's the not the guy I am."

She huffed. "I know!" Her hands raised in the air. "You're like a badass Prince Charming wrapped in leather or some shit." She turned her back on me. "But I can't..."

My forehead creased. "Can't what?" My legs moved forward in cautious curiosity. I felt like a predator about to pounce on its prey but I wasn't trying to spook her. Hell, I was spooked with this constant back and forth.

Her back stiffened at my presence behind her. "I don't want to hurt you." Her voice sounded shockingly small.

The girl that punched me didn't want me to get hurt? That made perfect sense.

"Why are you worried about hurting me?" I couldn't keep trace of irritation out of my voice.

She turned around in frustration. "Why do you think, Murphy?"

My eyes gazed into hers. "You're exhaustingly hard to read, you know that."

"Tell me about it," She said dismissively like I was somehow hard to gauge when I'd been the one to put the cards down.

We stood there for a few moments trying to figure out our next play. When it became clear that it wouldn't be clear I left her to her books.

"Hey," I said before I shut the door.

She glanced my way.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

She seemed to appreciate that but I knew it would only get me so far.

My day had been like the last few, kinda shitty. The only thing that got me through the day was knowing that Bellamy and I were going to hang out like we did every week on Tuesday nights.

I finished up with one of my regular clients so I could go be with Bellamy.

She was very blond and very into me. "You gonna give me an answer yet?"

I wiped off the residual ink from her leg. My eyes looked up at her. "You know I don't mess around with Clients, Harper."

She pouted as she stood. "What if I'm not a client anymore?" She arched her back so her chest was on display. She didn't need to do all that, she was a beautiful woman, but I could tell she needed the validation and I didn't want to be to get mixed up in that.

"You're always going to be a client," I played it off with a flirty smile. "Come on," I waited for her to gather her things and walked her out.

Bellamy walked over to our table when I turned around with a sigh. "When are you going to hit that, man?"

I grabbed a fry. "Not my style. Too needy."

"You don't have to marry her to fuck her, Murphy." He offered a grin. "But I can see you're saving yourself for Raven."

My boot kicked his under the table. "Knock it off." My face turned hot a bit.

He chuckled. "It's not like you don't have an in with her. Whatever it was we walked into, it didn't smell like pussy for nothing."

My mouth fell open. "You are so crude."

"I know," He made a face as he sipped his beer. "Clarke keeps getting on me about it."

A customer entered with two women, they headed straight for the bar.

It was Bellamy's idea to make profit out of Clubhouse, use the bar, restaurant, and tattoo parlor for income to "stay clean". So far it worked for us. I kept wondering if we'd get a narc one day that bust our whole operation.

"How's that going for you?" I asked.

"What, Clarke?" He raised a brow. "She's a pain in my ass but I love her." He leaned forward. "Between you and me, we're trying."

"For a kid?" I asked loudly by mistake.

He shushed me. "I don't want the whole Club to know. We haven't exactly been successful."

It kind of made more sense now why he was always ditching me for Clarke. He was wanting to start a family with her. I could get that. They'd been together for a few years now so it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. So why did I feel like there was a hole in my chest?

Soon enough Clarke came to sweep him away for move night.

"You coming?" He asked.

My head shook. "I'll catch up later, wanted to get some drawing in."

"I'll tell Raven to save you a seat," He joked.

"Bite me," I said as they walked off. I finished my food then grabbed my sketchpad to work on some art.

Indra took over for Emori at the bar. She nodded a hello my way.

I nodded back. My attentioned turned back on my drawings. Most of the time I didn't know exactly what I was drawing until it was done. Today was no exception. So colored me unimpressed when my pencil pulled away from the paper to reveal a raven circling a cockroach in the desert. Admittedly, it was funny. So I kept it.

By the time I got up to the theater, the movie was halfway over. I wasn't in the mood for the cheesy comedy anyway, I kind of just wanted to wallow. I looked through the crowd from the doorway. Most of everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, even Raven who sat between Octavia and Echo.

She tore her eyes away from the wall-sized screen to look at me. All laughter faded from her face at the sight of me.

I took it as a sign that whatever we had going had evaporated between us. That was my queue to go back to my room and smoke some weed.

It was just like life that it dangled something good in front of me only to take it away. What had she said about not deserving good things?

My memory foam bed sunk under my weight while I prepared my joint. I was about to take a puff when there was a knock on my door. I sighed but got up to answer it.

Raven stood on the other side, her eyes widened when I opened the door abruptly.

She was the last person I expected to see so I sort of just stared at her.

"Hey," She nodded toward my bedroom.

I opened the door and stepped out of the way for her to enter. What was she doing here?

She awkwardly looked around before she placed herself on my bed. She looked up at me with expectant eyes for me to sit.

So I sat with the intention of letting her do the talking.

"I know you think you're making me face my fears by keeping me here. It's sweet in a creepy way."

My eyes darted to hers. "That's literally not-" I cut myself off when I realized that she was shitting me. I offered a speculative grin. "You're not mad anymore?"

"No, I'm still mad," She sighed. "People kept telling me you weren't so bad and that I should ease up because you're looking out for me because you care."

That was I'd been saying the past few days but I'd take what I could get.

I faced forward, part of me was afraid to look at her. "If I didn't I wouldn't have had any problems with you walking out of that door." I lit the joint ablaze.

She laid back halfway on his bed with a heavy sigh. "I hate it when you say stuff like that."

I laid back with her, the blunt still in my mouth. "Like what?"

"Things that make me like you,"

"Oh, you mean nice things?" I teased.

She took it from my lips. "Sometimes you never stop talking,"

A laugh rumbled through my chest. "That's a first I've ever gotten from a girl,"

She grins in self-satisfaction, then it faded at the memory of something.

"Thought we were sharing," I primed for a response.

She hesitated. Her eyes looked at me briefly then she asked, "Bellamy doesn't know about you and Octavia, does he?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're hooking up, right?"

I let out a sigh. "So are you going to blackmail me into letting you go or you'll tell Bellamy?"

She passed the joint back. "I hadn't thought of that, but no. He'd kill you. And there wouldn't be much point in being here without you."

I stared at her. At first, I fought my grin but I let it win out. "You like me, it's okay to admit."

Her grin turned into a laugh. "Never."

We laid there in a bubble of contentment.

She brought her arm open faced against my chest with her tattoo exposed. "I almost want another one."

Did that mean she also wanted to continue what happened afterward? Why was I nervous about it? If she wasn't then I was okay with that also.

"You're not getting one until you ask," I was aware of the slight sexual undertone of my words and my eyes went to hers.

"Fair, I suppose." She gave back the joint. "How about a game of pool?" She sat up.

She really wanted to hang out with me? Even though she was still upset I could see she was trying for me.

She racked them up and started off the game, her cue hit the ball while her eyes laid on me. The ball went into the pocket with procession. She grinned at my shock, which wasn't because she could play pool. It was 2018, women could obviously play pool, better than I. I just hadn't known she could've been a professional player.

The game was lighthearted as was our chatter. We talked about the little things in life, the things you told people when you got to know them. Our laughter filled the air and fell around us like a protective forte from our real-life problems while she sat on the edge of the pool table. I leaned on my pool cue while I told her about some of the greatest hits of my childhood with Bellamy and Octavia. At some point, Indra brought us over two beers. We clinked them in celebration or rather my demise as best pool player in this joint. She teased me in good fun. I couldn't help the megawatt smile I had on my face. After the shitty week we'd had it felt really nice to have this moment. And as cheesy as it probably sounded, I wanted it to go on forever.

When I sat next to her I could swear she scooted over a tiny bit to be near me.

She stole my beer because she liked to take my things and I liked to let her. She told me about how she wanted to try her hand at being a mechanic. One of her last foster parents taught her how to fix up cars and bikes.

I wanted to ask her to fix up my dad's old car that sat in storage but I didn't know if I quite trusted her enough to not run. Once things did quiet down she would be free to go. There wouldn't be a reason for her to stay.

The entrance of a customer chimed. A bad feeling settled into my gut.

I threw a look over at the stranger that settled into the bar.

"Something wrong?"

Whatever he said had Indra pouring him a Bulleit Bourbon.

My heart slowed at the messenger.

Raven touched my arm.

I jumped when I turned back to her.

"Hey, you okay?" Her eyes scanned mine.

"Yeah," I tried to convince myself. "Yeah, I'm good." I offered a grin that I'm sure she could tell didn't quite reach my eyes.

But somehow she knew how to get my mind off of it.

She stood. "Come on, another round. Loser buys desert."

"I like the sound of that."

She let me break this time. "Just so you know, I like anything chocolate."

My male brain wondered if she was into chocolate in the bedroom too. I let that fade away so I could enjoy her presence.

We played so late into the night I almost forgot about the stress of having to go see Lexa tomorrow to find out if we'd have a long-standing partnership or rivalry that was bound to end in bloodshed.

A/N: This was more of a filler chapter for what's to come next chapter. Hope it didn't feel like a filler chapter? If you don't follow me on my Instagram at zaven_murven then you don't know that I'm opening up about my mental and physical issues and I'm trying to get a group chat going for mental, physical, and emotional health (even health and fitness motivation). If you want to join then reach out to me on my Instagram or my Tumblrs at Scaliarunsmylifenowareyouhappy, ToneItUpBabes.


	4. Let You Down

The song for this chapter is Three Days Grace - Let You Down

MURPHY'S POV:

There was a taste in my mouth when I woke. From what I could recall, one thing led to another with drinks and here I was with a hangover. If I tried I could piece together last night. We laughed. We danced. We played tipsy pool. We drank too much that we stumbled out onto to one of the couches on the back patio. We talked all night as far as I could remember in a contently cozy bubble. But I couldn't remember if anything else happened.

Pipe water dropped onto my cheek.

I jolted up to wipe it off. With a groan, I moved my bed, then grabbed a familiar bucket until I could a repair guy over. Today I had bigger fish to fry.

Lexa.

After I showered the funk away and got dressed, I headed to grab a bite to eat. On my way into the kitchen I bumped into a body in the hallway.

Raven looked up at me with brown eyes and I was a goner. "Hey," Her lips spread into a grin with a piece of toast in her hand.

"Hey," I smiled back. "You look great for someone that helped me down a bottle last night."

She briefly glanced down at herself. "Thanks, I blame it on Clarke's clothes. I feel out of place in them constantly."

"You don't look as out of place as you may think." I meant it as a compliment but I'm not so sure she took it that way.

Her face reddened a bit. She cleared her throat. "Thanks." She met my gaze nervously.

I chuckled. "You're cute, Reyes but I gotta go."

We didn't move away from each other.

"You're leaving?"

I nodded. "I'll be back." I snatched the toast out of her hand, then backed away with a smirk on my face.

Her eyes followed me almost in a daze. "See you when you get back."

"I guess so."

In all honesty, I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay with her so we could hang out and get to know each other better, even though I felt like I already knew everything about her that I needed to know for me to like her.

She held a smirk of her own. "When you get back I want another tattoo." Her eyes trailed down my body before she turned back into the kitchen.

I bit into the buttery bread while I started for the door.

Octavia walked my way. "Hey, where you going?"

My arm hung around her shoulder. "Peace talk and all that." I whispered into her ear.

She playfully shaved me away. "Without me?"

My hand mushed her face. "You want to come with, Tay Tay?" I called her that when I was younger whenever I was antagonizing her.

Her fist flashed out to hit my stomach. "You know I hate it when you call me Tay Tay, _John_."

I was brought back to my childhood of being called John by father whenever he was punishing me.

Octavia placed a hand on my chest, her green eyes stared into mine hard. "Didn't mean to make you go there,"

My insides clenched at the memories of trauma that most definitely shaped who I became. I had to remind myself that the past was the past and Octavia cared about me. She wouldn't ever treat me like he did.

"I'll take you out to ice cream, my treat." She offered.

A smile came about. Ice cream was a good way to make me feel better.

"Maybe after we deal with this."

I could get Raven some chocolate ice cream if we went to the store. Girls liked ice cream, right?

"You're thinking about Raven, aren't you?" She teased as we descended on our motorcycles.

My face felt hot. "Maybe."

She laughed. "I didn't think you'd fall this hard this fast after Emori."

Nope. Not talking about it.

I sped off.

She followed.

We played music and acted like damn fools because we were good at it. I think we both needed the moment with everything on our plate.

Once we parked out back so we wouldn't be spotted.

"How do you think this is going to go?" She asked nervously.

I cast her an unsure look. "I'm not sure. Lexa seems pretty fair in a strange contradictory way."

Her steps went stiffly while the memories of Finn ran through her mind.

"Tay," I grabbed her arm gently. "You don't have to do this,"

"I do or Finn died for nothing." Her eyes misted over but she pushed them back. "And I'm not going to let that happen."

I wanted to pull her in for a hug but I knew she wouldn't want that, not while we had to mentally prepare for walking into enemy territory. She was so incredibly brave and beautifully genuine. She didn't even realize it half the time. I missed Finn. He was good for her.

To lend her some of my strength, I held my hand out.

She grasped onto it tighter than I think she realized.

We walked in together.

Titus greeted us after we entered. He wore a serious mask like always that let me know he was ready to fight and die for Lexa like she was some grande Commander of an army or something.

"Titus, nice to see you again." I slapped him on the shoulder in passing.

He moved to pull his gun out on me in irritation but Octavia was faster.

She had her mask on and it was scary when she did. "You move a muscle and I blow your head off." She lowered her gun to his junk.

My girl.

This of course attracted attention and every gun in the room was now on us.

Roan barged out of from the back. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Who let a Delinquent in the door?" A big black man walked up to us with a scowl.

"Easy, Pike." Roan threw him a look. "You three follow me." He turned for what I expected to be Lexa's office.

Octavia and I glanced at each other before we walked inside.

She sat behind her desk with a pleased look. "Sit,"

I sat in one of the chairs.

Octavia remained standing. She had her mask on while she looked at Lexa.

"Tay?"

Lexa looked on expectantly.

She crossed her arms. "I'll stand."

Lexa waved it off. "Suit yourself." She gestured for Roan to hand her something. She held up a piece of paper. "This is your cut of what we've made since we last spoke." She handed it to me. "Your shit was good. So good that we have people lining up for me already."

Octavia took the check from my hands to inspect. "This is nothing. Where's the rest of it?"

"It's what you're owed so far, Octavia. When you deliver more product then there'll be more money." She sat back in her throne like chair, a powerful smirk on her face. "I knew I'd like you. You've got Nightblood in you for sure."

Her face twisted at a loss of composure. "Don't you ever compare me to you, you evil bitch." She lunged forward. "You killed Finn!"

I grabbed her before an outbreak of violence could happen. "Calm down," I whispered into her ear as I hugged her. "Blood must not have blood, remember?"

She still held some fight in her.

Lexa simply watched in fascination, not an ounce of fear on her.

"Those were your words," I reminded her. "And Finn's."

She stopped at the mention of his name. When she turned to me she reminded me so much of her kid self, looking up at Bellamy and I like we could fix everything. I couldn't fix this for her. Not anymore. Not in the way she probably wanted me to. From the dimness in her eyes I could tell she knew it wouldn't help her anyway.

"Where's the bathroom?" She pulled away.

Roan showed her to it.

I turned back to Lexa. "I tried to talk her out of coming but she insisted."

She stood. "Finn's girlfriend I presume?"

My head nodded heavily. "Ex-girlfriend. You made sure of that."

She internalized that.

"Sorry," I said faintly.

"Don't be. I did what I saw fit as I'm sure you would've done in my position."

Maybe. Maybe not. Killing went along with the territory of the life we lived from time to time. We were products of our environment, as was our parents. So I wasn't sure if I'd have killed Finn for the crime of trying to stop a young girl from being abducted by a member of an opposing Club. Lexa assured us that she'd seek justice for the low-life in her midst as well, but he had murdered one of her own. That was the tricky thing about justice, it never quite fit everyone's ideals.

"If things work out how Octavia envisioned we'll be on a much better path sooner. Maybe one day she'll forgive me."

I wouldn't hold my breath. She was pretty stubborn like her brother.

Lexa looked down in vulnerability. "Speaking of, how's Clarke?" She cleared her throat.

Bellamy wouldn't want me to divulge any info on Clarke to Lexa of all people but I was here and small talk would go a long way towards peace.

"Happy. Very in love. Ready to start a family." I also kind of wanted to rub in Lexa's face that she fucked up.

She nodded, then gave a smile that in no way reached her eyes. "Good. I'd ask you to tell her I said hello but we both know that wouldn't be wise. So..." She turned around to reign in her emotions. "The next drop will be tomorrow. Bring me more Cocaine and I'll have a probationary contract drawn up."

We shook on it.

Octavia returned with an oddly stoic look. "I forgot I had a meeting with Lincoln. Can we go?"

Lexa visibly angered at the mention of Lincoln. He'd forever be a traitor in her eyes. Funny how she'd never see Clarke that way.

"We good here?" I gestured between Lexa and I.

She gave a single nod.

Octavia tried her best to not rush me but I could tell something was up.

"What are you on?" I asked once we got back outside. "Nevermind, let's just go get this ice cream."

She marched to her bike. "You're not going to want any after I show you what I have to show you."

My eyes narrowed. "What is it?"

"Not here," She rolled her eyes. She kicked her bike to life. "Follow me."

I rode after until we were in view of the Delinquent Clubhouse. We stopped across the street. "Alright, what gives?"

"You're not gonna like it." She reached from inside her back pocket and pulled out a picture, then held it up.

I took it in my hands because I was in need of getting glasses. "What's this suppo-" Words no longer were able to fall from my mouth. Or rather I couldn't form actual coherent words. In my hand, there was a picture of Lexa taken with her arm around Raven with the two of them smiling. Raven wore another variation of the clothes Clarke had lent her.

My brain didn't compute it at first. So I stared until it made sense. They knew each other. They were close. There was only one logical conclusion to jump to; Raven was a Nightblood sent here as a spy. My initial suspicion was true.

My hand crumbled around the photo. I pocketed it, pumped by bike to start, and I was on the other side before I knew it.

"Hey, hey, hey," Octavia tried to stop me from going inside like this. "You don't know what's going on,"

I pushed her off. "I'll get to the bottom of it," I opened the door with more force than necessary.

Octavia followed me into my room while I searched for my gun in my dresser drawer. "Just let her explain before you do anything." She quietly begged.

The leaking had stopped, the bucket was out of sight, and my bed was moved back into its original place.

I tucked the gun in the back of my pants and headed for the door.

Miller was the first person that I saw.

"Where's Raven?"

"Out back, working on your old man's car."

His words also didn't compute fast enough.

"I'm sorry, she's what?"

He repeated himself. "She said you gave her the go ahead last night."

Had I really trusted her enough to tell her about my Dad, let alone give her permission to touch the car he gave me? Jokes on me, huh.

"Murphy," Octavia called when I headed out that.

"Leave it alone," I demanded.

She didn't follow.

As Miller said, Raven was underneath the hood of the car working away like a natural grease monkey.

I shut the door behind me and locked it.

She glanced up at the noise of my arrival. "Making progress here."

I pulled the gun out as I approached her with fire in my veins. Then I cocked it at her as she rose. "Give me a reason to not pull the trigger. Please."

RAVEN'S POV:

He knew. How'd he know? Did Lexa sell me out when she figured out I was really going to run?

"I can explain," I stood up too fast.

The gun followed me. My heart raced not from the weapon that could end my life but form the fact that he no doubt saw me a traitor, as someone that could not be trusted.

"Can you?" His brow arched in disbelief, but also in a desperate hope that I wasn't involved in this.

We stared at each other.

My hands raised slowly in the air with a guilty weight. "It's not what you think, Murphy."

"So you're not here as a spy for Lexa?"

I paused. "Yes, but it's not like that."

His eyes wildened. "How is it not like that? You used me, Raven. You manipulated all of us." He angrily whispered at me, which was harsher than a scream for some reason. But he made it a point to not have the others hear us so what did that mean?

"Put the gun down and we can talk," I said cautiously.

His head cocked to the side. He stowed the gun, but then slammed me against the wall. His thick hand wrapped around my neck tight enough for me to feel it. "Talk or so help me you will regret ever walking through that door," His breath fanned across my face.

The horndog demon in me stirred.

My heart pounded erratically in his chest. "The truth is that I was sent her to get intel about whether or not the deal that Octavia brokered with Titus was real peace."

"Why you?" His mouth was an inch away from mine.

"Because I'm a Prospect." I hesitated to release the next bit of information, but if I didn't he'd have no reason to not make good on his moral dilemma. A brave breath passed my deceitful lips. "A few months ago I did some digging about my birth family. I found who they were, what they did for a living, where they lived. Even if they didn't want me then I figured they might want to get to know me now. Only when I showed up Lexa answered the door. They were gone and buried. She was all there was. So I stuck around."

His body was so hot with rage. I shouldn't have found that hot but here I was bubbling over. My pussy tingled in anticipation even though my mind knew it wasn't the right time.

I could see things start to fall into place for him before I could confess the rest. He was smart like that. Or maybe it was that he saw me clearly. Now it was like he stared into a void when he looked at me. I hated that feeling.

"I went along with the whole thing because I wanted a family for once." I admitted. "Then I got here...And I found you." My emotions rumbled in my chest. I prayed that I wouldn't cry in front of him. "And you weren't the enemy I imagined." My eyes fell to his lips while I took a breath in. "I thought I could do it for Lexa, for the Nightbloods, and for me but I couldn't. You were so nice to me. I liked being around _you_ ," My eyes stared back into his.

He stood there with hard eyes and a clenched jaw.

"So I tried to run before I ruined everything, before I ruined you." I noticed his hold loosened. "I never meant to hurt you, John."

He recoiled. "Don't," He got in my face. "You don't get to call me that."

"I'm telling you the truth," It almost came out like a beg for him to believe me, a beg for something more. "That's why I tried to leave but you made me stay."

He looked at me in disgust but he was growing harder against me by the second. "Don't put this on me."

My head shook. "I'm not," I wanted to rub up against him so badly it hurt.

A humorless laugh left him when his eyes met mine. "You didn't just hurt me, Raven. You let me down."

I was disappointed in myself so that wasn't new. A simple sorry wouldn't do but I still had to say it.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry I hurt you."

He looked like he was at war with himself.

This was why I wanted to run. I'd done it again. I messed everything up. He so obviously cared about me and he got hurt.

"Make it quick if you're going to kill me." I braced myself.

Growing up like I did, I never thought I'd have a happy ending. Or a long life. I projected by my forties I'd be on hardcore drugs to numb the pain of being alive everyday. So a quick death was probably putting me out of my mercy. Nice things would never be a Raven Reyes thing. So why had I deluded myself into thinking that I'd have a chance with John Murphy?

His eyes snapped to mine. "Kill you? I'm not going to kill you."

"But you said..."

His jaw clenched, he pushed himself off of me. "I couldn't kill you even if I wanted to." He stared me deep into my soul. "You know that."

And I did actually. Despite my initial fear, I knew deep down he wouldn't do a thing to harm me.

I walked toward him with wanting hips. "Are you going to tell Bellamy?" I asked on bated breath.

He went silent for several moments, then answered, "If I did you wouldn't live to see the end of the day," He stared at me.

Could he tell that I wanted him to bend me over on any surface and punish me?

His eyes raked over my body, he swallowed the lump in his throat, then turned toward the car. "Did I really tell you about this car last night?"

I nodded. I bit into my lip innocently but when I locked eyes with him I caught him staring at them. "Yes. You said you trusted me to fix it. Maybe you don't trust me anymore, I deserve that. Just let me finish the fix. It's the only thing I can do to help right now." I hadn't meant for it to come out brutally honest with my heart on my sleeve but it had and the way he stared at me made me think he realized it too.

"When you're done come find me in my office."

A ruler spanking scenario played out in my mind but I doubted that was what he wanted to discuss.

A/N: Thoughts? Hate it? Love it? It's okay? Do you like Moctavia friendship? How do you feel about Lexa? I'll have to edit this later (yall know I'm bad at it lol) I've got a huge headache and I need a mini nap before my friends come over to catch up on season four The 100.

If you don't know, I have more Murven/Bellarke fics, even a Bellarke and Moctavia fic from some years ago. My Murven/Bellarke fic are Animal I've Become, If We Don't Leave This Town (highly recommended lol), Don't Let Me Go, and Why Don't You Be You And I'll Be Me. If We Don't Leave This Town is the only one that's majorly Murven developed. The Start of Something Good has a bunch of chapters and is the Moctavia/Bellarke fic.


	5. I Don't Want To Hear You Call

The song for this chapter is Alex Vargas - Oh love, how you break me up

MURPHY'S POV (Future):

 _The moment I walked into the kitchen of our home I was greeted by the smell of breakfast and the beautiful sight of my girl dancing around in one of my shirts. My heart swelled when she turned around with the pan of eggs in her hand in a hip thrusting bounce._

 _She grinned when she saw me. "Just in time." She set the pan aside._

 _I walked to her ready for my lips to be on hers. My arms wrapped around her waist like vines around a forgotten headstone._

" _Happy Anniversary," She looked up at me with those brown eyes that made me feel like I was drowning. "I got you something,"_

" _I thought we agreed on no presents. Something about how we were gifts enough." I leaned down with a kiss on her nose. "Aren't those your words?"_

 _She laughed. "This is a gift for the both of us. For later." She turned around in my arms to finish breakfast._

 _My mouth went to the soft crook in her neck to plant delicate kisses. "Are you going to be naked? Cuz I like naked." I reached for a piece of bacon._

 _She smacked my hand. "Not yet."_

" _You cooked enough for an army." I took in all the food and it hit me. "Did you invite someone?"_

" _Before you get worked up, I invited Bellamy and Clarke. They're bringing the baby." She gestured for me to go to fix the lock on the door that we broke last night after a drunken night out that ended up in a bit of sex all over the place._

 _As I fixed the lock that I knew she could easily fix I thought about how a year had flown by. How we'd taken the plunge to separate ourselves from the hectic lifestyle of the Club. How in our time together we lived in peace and happiness._

" _Raven," I called from the door._

 _Her eyes fell on me._

" _Thank you,"_

 _The smile that graced her face made everything worth it, all the fighting and lying. What we had was worth it._

" _I love you, John Murphy."_

 _No matter how many times I heard those words leave her lips part of me still was in disbelief that she was here with me and she wasn't running._

(Present)

The day had started off awfully. I woke up early in hopes of going on a ride with Bellamy, not to tell him about Raven but to vent without venting, but he was off with Clarke on some romantic outing for the morning. For some reason, Emori wasn't talking to me. To top it off, I dreamed some fantasy ass shit that Raven and I were riding off into the sunset together. The worst part about that was realizing that it was a dream after I woke up.

I allowed myself to let my guard down around her, to picture some semblance of a life where I could be happy with her, and I was let down.

Octavia opened my bedroom door when I began to fasten my button up. "Are you ready to tell me yet what happened last night?"

I motioned for her to come inside.

Later that morning, everyone gathered into the restaurant of the Clubhouse with our dirt bike goggles and helmets in our arms to take a shot before we went on our monthly dirt bike desert ride. It was one of the best times for us as a family. The open road, fun, the heat.

"Remember the number one rule," Bellamy held up his shot. He looked at me with a grin.

"Have fun, Delinquents," I demanded in good nature.

We all tipped back our shots except for Clarke.

"Woah!" A few hooped and hollered in excitement.

Bellamy and I pounded our fists before he slung his arm around Clarke and they did their cute little family thing.

Octavia talked to Raven in the back who had the most guilty pair of eyes I'd ever seen while Octavia tried to comfort her.

My eyes rolled. I took another shot for good measure.

Emori laughed at something Echo said before I put myself into her path. She caught herself. "Hey,"

"Hey yourself," I looked down at her and took in her beautiful features to remind myself why I loved her. But nothing fluttered in my chest like it once did.

She laughed at me as she leaned in. "Not going to happen,"

I backed her into the wall. "You sure about that?"

Her eyes held uncertainty as they roamed over my body. "What about your girl?"

"What about her?" I smirked.

"You're such a dick," She grinned. "But I'll ride with you if it'll get you off my back."

Thank God she was smart enough to understand this wasn't me wanting to start things back up with her. I simply wanted to make Raven jealous. Sure, it was shitty to use Emori for it but we were both over each other and I'm sure she could use it to her advantage with Shaw. Win-win.

Everyone gathered outside and partnered up on their dirt bikes.

Emori slid on my bike behind me, her arms wrapped around me. She leaned forward to whisper into my ear. "Everyone is watching,"

I chuckled. My eyes locked on Raven who was still by Octavia's side. "Good," I said.

She had a mask of calm on her face but I could tell from her stiff stance, hard eyes, and clenched jaw that she was anything put.

Bellamy looked between us in confusion.

Octavia marched over to us. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" She angrily whispered in my face.

I shoved her back enough so she wasn't in my personal bubble. "Chill, O."

"You're really not going to let Raven ride with you?" She didn't bother to keep her voice down.

Always with the dramatics.

I gave a nonchalant smirk. "She can ride with you."

Before any more arguments could be had I took off.

There was nothing like racing in the heat, high on the thrill of ripping into the earth with an exhilarating speed. It was different than riding our motorcycles on the asphalt. It was more playful. And it was truly our time to run amok out in the open.

Once we got to our normal spot some didn't bother riding but gathered around the tailgate Miller and Jackson set up in the back of their truck. The zoom of engines and trail of dust in the air painted the scene.

Emori and I rode around for a bit before she tapped my shoulder to stop. "I'm hungry,"

I came to a halt several feet away from the tailgate. We took off our helmets.

She got off and came around to lean on my handlebars. "Fix things with Raven, kay?"

It wasn't that simple.

"Cuz I haven't seen you so alive since that night we-"

"Pulled a Bonnie and Clyde at that gas station."

We laughed as we reminisced.

That had actually been one of the only times in our relationship it felt exciting. We used sex to keep us alive. Our thing had never been about getting to know each other better, it had only been about getting between the sheets. With Raven, it was so much more than that. At least, that's what I thought.

Emori's hand went to my cheek and then her lips pressed into mine in a goodbye kiss that perhaps both of us needed to truly make peace with our demise. She left me with faraway eyes.

RAVEN'S POV:

"Maybe you should go talk to him," Octavia suggested.

I would've thought her of all people would be on his side at the end of the day, yet here she was backing me up. What had I'd done to deserve that from her when I knew she loved Murphy in a way that went beyond me.

"Not yet. I tried to go to him last night but I could tell neither of us was ready for that conversation." I watched him with Emori.

Were they getting back together? I thought she was seeing Shaw? Did he lie to me when he said they were water under the bridge?

Octavia also watched them but her look was different; subdued but longing, trained to not raise brows. Was she really that worried about what her brother would think?

She felt me staring so she averted her eyes.

Word vomit occasionally flared up in me when things felt like they were crashing down on top of me. So, "Why are you lying to him?" came out of my mouth.

The look on her face was laughable but this was serious.

"What the hell you talking about?"

My eyes stayed on her until the right words came in this sensitive situation. "He told me about you two. Or, well, I guessed it. You hide your feelings from him. Why?"

She struggled to find what to say. "It wouldn't matter. He's always had feelings for someone else and it's never been me."

I could feel my heart ache for her. I couldn't imagine having such strong feelings for someone like him to not have them reciprocated. Actually, I could.

"So you don't think he deserves to know?" I twisted my fingers. "He might not have ever considered it."

She pointed at me. "That right there is reason enough for him to not know." Her head shook. "I don't want someone that wouldn't think twice about being with me in any kind of way."

But I felt guilty for trying to work on whatever strand of a relationship we had left.

"I don't want to be in the way," I told her.

I actually respected Octavia. That was part of the reason I didn't want to ever tell her I knew Finn.

She turned to me. "You'll never be in the way, Raven. John doesn't love me in that way. He never will. I'm okay with that. I like our relationship now."

I could feel myself get awkward readying myself to ask the question that haunted me since I put two and two together. "Have you two...you know, since..."

"No," She smirked. "Not since the first night you got here."

"Oh," My eyes fell down to my hands. "I'm terrified," I admitted with a huff before I looked up at her. "I'm not good at trying to make things work. What if I screw them up even worse?"

She shrugged. "At least, you can say you tried. Then you move on with your life."

The very thought of things not working out gave me anxiety. Then again, the thought of them working out also gave me anxiety. I didn't want to run anymore but I also wanted the fastest road out of this town.

Then I looked on as Emori kissed Murphy. I felt a spike of jealousy in my throat. Never had I been the girl that got the little green monster on her shoulder or grew red with rage over a guy. But I hadn't ever cared that much before Murphy. So it was safe to say I could spit fire.

MURPHY'S POV:

When I looked up I saw Raven clutching a beer bottle with an unreadable look at Emori, but then she met my eyes with a glare.

She didn't have a right to be mad. She tricked and manipulated me to like her. Yet here she was, jealous as the day was clear. So maybe some of those feelings weren't fake like she promised.

Clarke came up to me. "You two fighting?"

I shrugged. "Whatever,"

She gave me a narrowed eyed look. "No, not whatever. What happened?"

"Nothing that I shouldn't have seen coming." I stood.

I needed to think of a cover.

Clarke placed her hand on my shoulder, her hair glowed like a halo under the Sun. "Well, if you want to talk about it we're here for you."

I noticed Bellamy talking to Octavia away from the others.

Fuck. If he even for one-second thought she was a mole he'd dig her grave faster than I could down a shot. But I was tired of being the bigger person.

By the time some food was done, we all gathered around in a toast from Bellamy because I wasn't in much of a speech giving mood.

"To new additions in our family," He smiled down at Clarke.

Really, Bell? Raven wasn't family. She was still planning to run the first chance she got.

Clarke beamed at him before she looked at all of us. "It's still a little early but we couldn't wait to share the news. I'm a few weeks pregnant."

My eyes widened. But he had only said they were trying.

"We went to a family practice and we just got the news this morning," She almost bounced in joy.

I went to hug Clarke. "I hope the baby looks like you," I teased.

She laughed in my embrace.

Bellamy and I hugged it out. We walked off to the side.

"So this is it, huh? You're going to be a dad?"

He nodded, his eyes a little teary. "Yeah, I didn't exactly have the best role model as a dad. Neither of us did."

I waved that away. "That just means we know what not to do."

He gave a grateful look before he reined in his emotions. "Speaking of what not to do," He watched Clarke, Octavia, and Raven celebrate.

The music got turned up and some started dancing in the joy of bringing life into our family.

Bellamy looked down at me. "What was that kiss with Emori?"

I sighed. "I'm not here for a lecture. I know what I'm doing."

"Do you? Cuz it looks like you and Raven are fighting and you're using Emori to get back at her."

My shoulders shrugged. "What do you care? You've got your own family to worry about now." I said harshly.

He grabbed me by the shirt. "You're my brother, John. You always will be."

We hugged each other tightly with a few back pats.

"You haven't had much luck in the love department." He said after we pulled apart. "But from the moment Raven showed up, there's been this connection between you. Now I don't know what happened and you don't have to tell me but I think I can safely say from all of us that you'd be an idiot if you didn't try to make it work. You could start a family of your own." He teased.

I shoved his shoulder. "Fuck off." I tried to hide my grin.

That hadn't ever been something I thought would be a possibility with anyone. Nothing had ever taken off for me in that direction that it seemed logical. And the only semi-good thing I thought I had was broken now. I didn't know if it could ever be put back together like it was.

We walked back over to the others.

Raven and I made eye contact. She let out a breath before she headed my way. "Can we talk?"

I was afraid of what I'd let come out of my mouth so I ignored her.

"Murphy," She said in frustration.

It was better for her if I didn't acknowledge her until I cooled down because there was so much I wanted to say and do to her that was only suitable for our privacy.

She had enough and walked away.

As much as I tried to push her away, I missed her. I missed what I thought we had. I missed what I thought we could be in my mind before I had all the details.

Octavia shoved my shoulder. "Go to her dumbass."

Too many people had noticed we weren't okay and it would be my fault if anyone suspected what was really going on. So I marched toward my dirt bike and rode toward her.

"Get on,"

She crossed her arms. "Why should I?"

I sighed. "Just get on the damn bike, Raven." I half begged.

She gave in and slid on behind me. The moment her body touched mine I felt everything tingle.

We rode far enough out to have this very private conversation. We sat there in silence trying to gather our thoughts for a bit before we got off to face each other.

"What can I do to prove I'm not who you think I am?" She started off.

My head shook. "Nothing. It's fine, we can keep up appearances." If it meant she was safe then I could pull my act together.

Her face twisted in anger. "It's not fine! They can tell that you can't stand to be around me now!" She pointed to herself. "I need to know if I have to run, Murphy. Or they'll kill me,"

"They're not going to kill you." I waved her off as I sat sideways on my bike.

She looked me dead in the eyes. "You can't promise that."

My eyes tried to assure her otherwise but I understood why that wouldn't mean much. So I stood up in front of her. "I won't let them, okay."

She shook her head as if it wasn't enough. "Then fucking act like that. Don't go around kissing people to get a rise out of me. Or tell me to leave. Your choice." She began to walk away.

I grabbed her and pulled her back to me by her waist.

We stared at each other hard.

I probably was an idiot for asking, but I did anyway. "Were you jealous when Emori kissed me?" My eyes ran over her face.

"What do you think?" She said something in a string of Spanish that I'm pretty sure amounted to that I was an asshole. "If you really think that I didn't feel what you felt then why would I be?" She posed.

My teeth gritted together. "You can't make me the bad guy here."

"Then how about we're both the bad guys. I'm not lying to you anymore. I don't know if it's you pulling away but I can't help but want this."

My forehead knitted together. I couldn't help but stare at her. Desserts weren't really my thing but damn I wanted to eat her up.

Her body moved against mine. "I don't want you kissing other girls." She snaked a hand up my chest. "And I know that you don't want to kiss other girls." Her pussy scraped against my cock.

I bit back a moan. "That's not fair,"

"Who said anything about fair," She reached up for a kiss. Her lips were a breath away when sirens sounded from nearby.

A groan of frustration left me.

We got on the bike and rode back to the others to see what the problem was.

I recognized one of the cops on Lexa's payroll. We tried to buy him out but her price was too high. Bellamy was talking to him, trying to explain that we did this every once in a while and that we weren't disturbing the peace.

One of the other officers eyed Raven hard. "Hey, you from around here?"

She stiffened by my side and shook her head.

My chest puffed instinctively as I stepped to shield her. "Are you charging us with something or are we free to leave?" My voice held a controlled violence that I was afraid would bubble out if things turned shitty like they did with the Eligius guy.

Raven's hand went to my arm in warning.

He looked back at his guys and announced, "Clear out and we won't have a problem.  
For future reference, think about getting a permit."

Permit my ass.

We all prepared to leave.

Raven started for Octavia but I grabbed her hand. She looked up at me with hopeful eyes.

"You're riding with me." I eyed the pig until we were out of sight. Not only did Raven go down if she was found out, my ass would go to jail but I probably wouldn't make it there if the others figured out I was covering for her.

RAVEN'S POV:

Once we got back to the Clubhouse Murphy pulled me into a hug, but before I could get cozy into it he whispered into my ear. "You're still not forgiven."

I deserved what I got with Murphy earlier. Everything was all my fault so I couldn't fault him for lashing out. We had an understanding now, I guess. He'd protect me. He made that evident from how protective he'd gotten with the cop. As hot as it was, him trying to protect me was what got us here in the first place. That and my dishonesty.

So I wanted to show him that I wasn't going to double cross him or betray him.

I wore one of Octavia's sexy skirts and a top Clarke gave me when I knocked on the office door that he'd been holed up almost all evening.

"Come in," He announced.

My only plan was to make him feel my truth.

He was cleaning his gun when I entered. He stared at me in my leather skirt and swallowed. "Hey," He tried to put his focus on his weapon.

I locked the door behind me and walked over to him. I sat on the desk. "I don't expect you to forgive me, John. That's not why I'm here."

His eyes snapped to mine. "I thought I told you not to call me that." His gaze fell to my legs in front of him. His Adam's apple bobbed. "Why are you here?"

I fell between his legs. "There's not much else I can say but I could show you my loyalty," I slid my hands up his thighs. My eyes shined in a desperate need for him to know I was telling the truth because I didn't have much else going for me right now. Everything hinged on how the two of us would play out.

"If I say I believe you are you going to stop?"

My head shook. I've wanted a taste ever since I laid eyes on him. It just so happened that I could kill two birds with one stone.

He gazed down at me with indecision in his stormy blue eyes

I reached to undo his jeans. My mouth watered in anticipation of the feel of his cock on my tongue while my breath on his crotch resulted in a restrained groan.

He grabbed the back of my head and yanked me up to him. "You think that's going to fix this?" He demanded, his breath tickled my lips.

All I could do was stare at him in need. "I don't know any other way,"

He stared at me long and hard.

"I don't want this lifestyle." I clarified for him. "But I do want you, John."

His gaze turned away from me. "You don't know what you're saying." He released me. "You don't want this."

"You don't know me as well as you think you do," I stood.

"Clearly," He watched me in a masked fascination. "So what? You think that if we fuck it'll fix all our problems? Raven, I don't trust you with any part of me."

I knew that took a lot for him to say so I sat on his lap. "There doesn't have to be trust for us to do what we want to do," I got him to look at me. My hands trailed up his neck and into his hair. "I've never wanted anybody inside of me so bad," My voice was saturated in hunger for whatever he could give me. Even if it wasn't something beyond sex. I wanted him and I know he wanted me. And we couldn't go on like a ticking time bomb before one of us exploded.

"Why can't you be real with me?" He muttered, a furrowed brow wrinkled his face.

"Excuse me?" My hands paused on his chest.

Those sky blue eyes dawned on me in accusation. "You're afraid to be real with me."

Frustration worked its way through me. "What do you think I've been doing this entire time?" I questioned. "You are one of the only real things about this shitty situation. I don't have anything to gain by hiding anything from you now."

What else could I offer besides my body?

"I'll tell you what I know if you want intel."

His head shook. "Not intel." His hands went to my hips and squeezed. "When I asked you to stay that day," He ran his gaze over my face. "Would you have said yes? Would any part of you have wanted to say yes?"

"I don't know," I looked down at his lap, our pelvises joined. "Things were different back then."

His hands squeezed firmer on my hips. "How were they different?"

My eyes locked onto his while a little gasp left me. "I didn't care about you the way I do now." My irritation got the better of me. "Why are you even asking? You hate me now, right?"

"No," He shook his head again. "I don't hate you, Raven. You _lied_ and I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again, but I get why you did what you did. Maybe I would've too in your position."

My hips rocked forward against his jean-clad cock. "And what position is that?" I still came here for a reason and I hadn't forgotten it.

He glanced down at my attempt to coax his dick into me and looked back up with lesser restraint. "The position where you do exactly what I say or you end up as a warning for our enemies." His words sunk in but I didn't let them put fear into me. Not right now. Right now I wanted him in me.

My mouth neared his. "I thought you said you wouldn't let them kill me?" I could feel him hard against me.

"There are worse things than killing you," His threat stoked a fire in me.

My mouth trailed up his jaw toward his ear. "In that case, I think you should make sure I know what my punishment is if we get caught." I breathed into his ear. "Maybe hammer it into me a few times because I'm not very good at listening." My tongue licked out along his earlobe.

He sucked in a breath and the next thing I knew his hand was wrapped around my neck. He picked me up by my throat, then slammed me down onto the desk while he hovered over me with the wind knocked out of me, his face was so close to mine. His other hand worked up my skirt.

First of all, how strong was he? Secondly, fuck me now.

My heart raced in anticipation.

His mouth brushed against mine deliciously, his thumb grazed my clit.

My hips bucked. "Mhmm,"

"You're soaking wet," He said in a way that made my pussy throb. He smacked my lips a few times. "How many times have you gotten yourself off while thinking about me?" He loosened his hold on my throat so I could answer.

How many fingers did I have?

I rounded down. "Twentyish."

The look on his face made my hips writhe. It was healthy to be sexually active and accepting. Why should I go through life not experiencing pleasure with people that I visually and perhaps emotionally enjoyed? All in the name of being ladylike.

His eyes darkened in greed. "How many times did you use your fingers and pretend it was my cock?" He pulled on my nipple.

"Too many to count,"

He liked my answer. He spread my precum all over my pussy, then rubbed my clit harshly.

I whimpered.

"Yeah, you like that?

"Yes, sir."

He removed his hand from my neck to rip my shirt down the middle, he smacked my bare tits.

God, it was like he could see into my darkened soul and pinpoint all the dirty, degrading kinks I had. Maybe it was that he had them too? But what confused me was that he seemed capable of caring about me emotionally, so I had to wonder if he really wanted to do these things erotic acts to me for my benefit or for ours?

"Fuck," I moaned. I moved my hips in rhythm with his hand but it wasn't enough. "Please, fuck me."

He took his thumb away from my clit. "Please, fuck me what?"

My pussy throbbed. "Please, fuck me, sir." My eyes begged his.

He thought it over, then settled on, "No, I don't think you've earned it yet." He said in a very James Deen way before he went back to rubbing my clit with his hand, his other hand plunged two fingers into me. He worked up a solid rhythm.

"Ahh," My back arched off the desk. "Oh my god, yes."

He leaned down and sniffed my pussy, a primal groan left him. "Your pussy smells fucking fantastic." His tongue flicked over my clit once.

My hips bucked hard. "Murphy," I grabbed my own tits and pulled on my nipples.

His fingers inside of me worked faster, my walls clenched around him. Slowly but surely, he worked me toward an orgasm. "You're not going to cum without my permission, are you?"

"No, sir." But I was close for sure.

He shook his head. "I don't know if I believe you, I've heard that before."

"Fuck me," I begged. "Can I cum, sir?"

"No," His fingers fucked me harder. He spat on my pussy. "You lay there and think about the consequences if you don't listen."

Those were the magic works because I gushed around his fingers.

"Fuuuuuuck," I cried out.

He was kind enough to let me ride out the orgasm but as soon as I was down from it he pulled out his fingers and stared at me disapprovingly. "Didn't I tell you there were going to be consequences if you didn't listen to me?"

"Punish me, sir," I begged.

He walked over to a closet and came back with a cue stick. He slid the wooden stick up my body. His fingers shoved into my mouth. "Suck," He demanded.

I obeyed enthusiastically. My eyes closed at the feeling of pleasure until the smack of the pool cue hit my skin. The sting of it repeatedly hit me on my thighs, on my stomach, on my tits. On my pussy.

Eventually, he pulled me up to bend me over the desk. He got to his knees, his nose pressed into me, and his tongue made love to me.

My hands gripped the desk while my knees wobbled. The office must've been filled with my moans. When he started to finger me again I let out a loud moan. "Murphy," My eyes squeezed shut. "Fuck me, please."

His hand gripped my hips while in a feeding frenzy.

"Please," I begged. "Fuck me, sir. I need your cock inside of me." I was on the edge of cumming again and from the looks of it he wasn't stopping. So I gripped his hair to hold onto it when I knew I the only place to cum was in his mouth. My eyes locked onto his.

Neither of us broke eye contact.

"Oh, shit. Right there," I gasped. My mouth fell open. My eyes fluttered. "Yes, fuck yes!" I was sure if he moved an inch I'd melt into a puddle on the floor.

He thankfully rose with his hold on me so I could recover. He didn't miss a beat. His clothes flew off. Those strong hands grabbed my hips tightly before he lined himself up and plunged inside of me.

We groaned in unison.

My walls clenched around him. I leaned my back against his chest.

"Fuck," He groaned. He pushed me onto the desk while he pounded into me. "Oh my god, this pussy..."

I bit deep enough into my lip to draw blood. I couldn't help the moans that escaped me.

"What do you say for me?"

"Thank you, sir."

He smacked my ass hard. "Thank you for what?"

"Thank you for fucking me, sir." I was almost ashamed to admit I was going to cum again but I learned my lesson and asked, "Can I cum, sir?"

"Do you think you deserve to cum?"

Because I was a glutton for punishment, I answered, "No,"

He pulled me back to him, his arm went across my body to hold me to him. "Then why are you asking me dumb questions?" He said into my ear. His cock slid in and out of me so fast. He brought his fingers down to play with my clit again.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck."

The sound of us fucking filled the room in the most sexual way.

"Can I cum, sir?" I moaned. "Please, can I cum, sir?"

He grunted into my ear. "You want to cum on my cock?"

I nodded. "Please, sir." His cock was so good.

His hips slapped into me harder. "Cum."

A sigh of relief left me. "Yesssss, Murphy." I felt breathless. "Fuck me," I begged.

Of course, he fucked me through it, then pulled out, and pushed me onto my knees in front of him. He slapped his cock onto my face a few times. "Suck,"

I obliqued eagerly. I took him into my mouth with a moan. My eyes went to his.

He looked down at me with a predatory glare that almost made me cum again. His hand shoved into my hair and pulled.

I moaned around his cock. I took it as deeply as I could. As much as I wanted it back inside of me I didn't want to stop pleasuring him with my mouth. The look of ecstasy on his face was addictive.

He pulled me up to my feet, pushed me back onto the desk, then slid back into my pussy. He groaned loudly. "Fuck, yes."

My hips opened for him. I didn't care if we were in this dominant role play, I wanted to kiss him. So I slid my hand up to his face and pulled him down so he could taste his own cock and I could taste my own pussy.

Our lips played off of each other while he fucked me into the desk. At that moment, it felt like we both held the power equally. We weren't in a struggle. We were real about what we wanted and how we were getting it. We were in sync.

The main reason I took advantage of our timing was that there was a cookout out back when I made my way to the office. I didn't mind if people heard us but I figured our first time should be more intimate. That was as intimate as it got for me.

After we parted ways as amicably as we could I showered perhaps the best sex I had in a long time away, then wandered out to join everyone else.

"Where have you been?" Clarke asked. She tucked some of my hair behind my ear in a motherly way even though I was older than her.

Octavia snorted. "Look at the smile on her face. Where do you think she's been?" She teased while she fixed a plate of food.

Clarke tried to hold in her grin but I could tell she was beaming on the inside now that she thought Murphy and I made up.

If that was how we were going to "make up" every time we fought, we should fight more often. My pussy ached but I already couldn't wait to get him back inside of me.

I plated some of the cake. The frosting got on my finger so I slid it into my mouth. When I turned around Murphy was coming down the stairs in his signature black shirt and jeans that he worked so well.

He stared right at me when I pulled my finger from my mouth. The look in his eyes told me we should've waited for round two.

But the air still wasn't cleared between us per say so we spent the rest of the evening dancing around each other until he broke the dance by coming up next to me when I got my second round of cake.

His cologne made my mouth water. Hell, his closeness just did all kinds of things to me.

"Is it wrong that I want to fuck you on this table with everyone watching?"

My eyes dropped to the table. I could tell he wasn't into that, so I knew he only said it for my benefit. I scooped some of the frosting up and pretended like I was going to give him a show but I smeared it on his face with a cheeky grin.

He stood stock still with a grim look on his face before he turned his gaze on me.

I couldn't help the laughter, but I recognized the predatory gleam in his eyes and ran.

He chased me around the table with a sliver of a smile. "You're dead meat, Reyes."

"You've got to catch me first." I teased as I dipped and dodged through people in adrenaline induced fear. "Octavia," I ran for her help.

"She can't help you," He threatened when I hid behind her.

Octavia laughed while she held her arms out protectively.

He dipped under them and grabbed my arm.

I screamed in fake horror, my heart raced as he caught me up in his warm arms.

His laughter rang in my ears long after it faded as did our fun.

Later that night after tossing and turning a knock on my door caught my attention. My hands ruffled through my wavy hair before I answered because it could only be one person.

Murphy stood on the other side. He took in my PJs and smiled to himself. "Let's go for a ride,"

I didn't bother changing out of my cotton shorts and a tank top, I just grabbed a light jacket, then we made our way to his motorcycle. "Wait, I was going to surprise you in the morning but your Dad's car is done."

He stared into the air.

"If you don't want to like share that with me it's fine." I tried to dismiss it like it was nothing.

"No," He looked down. "It's not that. I just-I haven't had anyone in it since he died." His eyes met mine with his heart more exposed than I deserved. "I'll get the keys,"

I stared at him in awe.

Where was his forgiving nature coming from? Not that I didn't want it so we could move past the ugly truth of our situation that was bound to come out eventually but he seemed so adamant about not letting me in emotionally before. So what changed?

We slid into the vintage leather seats.

He started the car without a hitch.

We sat there for a bit in silence while he worked through whatever he had to mentally.

I wanted to ask more about his Dad but it didn't feel appropriate. All he had told me the other night was that they hadn't gotten along toward the end of his life and the mantel was passed down when he didn't feel ready to shoulder the responsibility. Nor did he want it. But I would bet this car that he didn't remember saying that to me and it wasn't my place to remind him of it.

"We don't have to," I assured him.

My voice jarred him to the present. His gaze fell on me before he shook his head and backed out of the garage.

We ended up at a twenty-four hour diner a ways down the road at like two in the morning, which meant it was dotted with truckers and other riff-raff.

"I thought you were going to whack me," I admitted once we slid into a booth.

He laughed, then leaned forward on his elbows. "I thought I told you killing you was never an option," He said low enough for only my ears. "Hungry?"

I shrugged. "I could eat."

Our server, Doris, walked up to our table. "How's it going?" She was a bit on the heavier side with an aging face and red hair.

"Not too bad. How about you?" I asked.

She looked a bit surprised I asked and seemed genuinely interested. "The night's dragging, kid."

I suppressed a yawn because they're contagious. So I said, "We'll have two burgers with fries."

She seemed impressed that she didn't have to goad an order of out of us. "I'll be back when they're ready." She went off to bus her tables.

When I turned to Murphy he watched me carefully but there wasn't the same animosity behind his eyes that he started the day out with.

"Should I have not ordered for you?" I asked with a bit of a blush.

His head shook. "No, I don't mind it actually."

Cool.

I grew a little nervous under his constant gaze. There was no frame of reference of what he wanted to talk about or what was about to come out of his mouth.

"I know you didn't bring me here so we could awkwardly stare at each other without saying what we really want to say so," I leaned forward. "What's with the impromptu outing?"

His mouth hitched up in amusement. "I couldn't sleep."

"Me either."

We gazed at each other.

He started to say something but cut himself off.

"Just say it, Murphy."

He stayed apprehensive while he watched me.

I turned red. "You wanted to strangle me earlier and now you can't say what's on your mind?"

"If I recall, I did strangle you earlier and you liked it." His eyes dipped to my mouth.

Doris placed two glasses of water down on the table and made a noise of approval in the back of her throat before she walked away.

Great. Now our waitress thought we were sex maniacs.

"Thanks for that," I shot him a look.

He snorted a laugh, then he finally got out what he wanted to say. "Raven, these past few weeks with you have been utterly insane and I have a feeling it's just the tip of the iceberg."

What was he getting at?

My throat felt dry. I sipped my water.

"If we're going to do this then there needs to be complete transparency."

I almost choked on my water.

"You can't lie to me anymore." His blue eyes bore into mine heavily. "You can't keep secrets."

I held a hand up. "What are you saying? That you want to give this a try?" I didn't want to get my hopes up only to crash into the ground and break every bone in my body.

He looked out at the few passing cars and trucks on the road. "I don't know if I can trust you. I don't know if you're going to screw me and all of us over. I just know that I can't help how I feel around you," He met my eyes. "And that I don't want this to be emotional. I can't give you that right now. You have to earn it."

My head felt heavy as I nodded. "I understand." And I did. I hurt him in one of the worst ways possible. By not meaning to.

"Are you okay with that? Only being physical?" He posed.

No, but it was all he was offering. For the first time, I wasn't thinking of running. I was thinking of staying in this booth with him until he could trust me again and I was prepared to wait.

I bit the corner of my mouth. "I'm a big girl, Murphy."

We knew that we were both full of shit. Neither of us was going into this only expecting a physical relationship. It couldn't only be physical, not when there were already feelings there. But he needed that barrier between us and I could deal with that until I earned some of his trust back.

"Do you think if Lexa found out she'd try to hurt you?"

My head shook. "She's my sister."

"Half sister." He corrected.

I gaped. "Still. She won't hurt me, but she may try to hurt you. Or Octavia." I hated that I was lumped together with the villain of this story or that my sister was even a villain to begin with. When it came down to it, Murphy was supposed to be the villain in my story. He was supposed to be the antagonist that kept me from living what I thought to be a happy, fulfilled life with the Nightbloods. Now I knew there was more to life than just coasting. As terrifying as it was all the time, with Murphy I felt like I was going eighty in a twenty-five.

His eyes narrowed in protectiveness over his family. "I need you to know that if it comes down to protecting my family or you with Lexa, I'm going to choose my family."

I nodded in understanding. "I wouldn't expect anything less." I sighed at our frank conversation. "I need you to know that if it comes down to you having to choose between me or your family then I won't stick around to make you choose."

MURPHY'S POV:

"I need you to know that if it comes down to you having to choose between me or your family then I won't stick around to make you choose." She said.

The sad part was that I had already chosen between her and my family and I'd chosen to protect her. As terrifying as she was for my future I couldn't picture my life without her in it anymore. What had I'd been doing before? Barely existing. Going through the motions. Not challenging myself. Even though there was no longer trust between us she jolted me awake the moment she stepped into our Clubhouse.

Our food came shortly after. I could feel myself getting emotional just from talking with her. She felt it too. It was all over her. I'd do something cheesy like steal some of her fries and she'd steal some of mine. As juvenile as it was, I did it to see the smile on her face. It almost made up for everything that had gone wrong between us. Almost.

The almost scared me into reeling in my emotions. It was very robotic, but I had to do. Even though it killed me to see the light die in her eyes when she noticed the switch in me. It had to be this way. For now. I wouldn't have suggested our arrangement if I didn't think it could work. Besides, she kind of already crossed the bridge for us to get here.

Our little fuck session from earlier played in my mind and I couldn't help but get hard at the memory of being inside of her. Hearing her moan for me had been the best thing my ears had ever heard. My eyes trailed down her soft looking neck, to her hard nipples in her shirt. You could blame it on the AC but I had no doubt she was reminiscing also.

We stared at each other, waiting for the other to break.

"Dessert?" Doris asked.

My brow arched.

Hers did too.

I bit back my laughter and asked for the check. I made sure to leave a nice tip. "Ready?" My eyes slid to hers.

She had that same lust filled daze in her eyes.

We headed for the door. My hand went to her back in case anyone doubted we were here together and we were leaving together.

I was horny enough that I didn't want to wait to get back to our rooms but she was the one that pulled me off to the side of the building.

Her mouth attacked mine.

I pushed her into the brick building while my hands wrapped her legs around my waist, my hips ground into hers.

She moaned into the kiss. Her arms hung around my shoulders while her hips worked against me. "Fucking put it in me."

My eyes shot open to look at her in disbelief. "Here?" Where an employee could walk out of that back door or a customer could wonder to their car and see us under the clearly lit area. I had only been teasing her earlier about fucking her on the table in front everyone.

"Are you afraid, Murphy?" She challenged. "If you're not man enough, I get it." She goaded, knowing I would do exactly what she wanted.

It took nothing to pull my dick out of my sweatpants, shove her little cotton shorts aside, and push into her.

We gasped in each other's air.

I reeled back and thrust into her hard. "Fuck,"

She bit her lip. "God, your cock is so good."

Like that wasn't what every man wanted to hear to take them into overdrive.

My hips slammed into her hard over and over again.

Her hands played in my hair. "Yeah, fuck me just like that." She moaned.

Oh, God. I could feel that I was going to cum soon. I blamed her tight little pussy.

"Faster. Ahhh yeah." She looked me deep in my eyes. "I want you to cum in me, Murphy." She clenched her walls tight. "You like my pussy, don't you?"

I groaned. "God, yes." I wanted to choke her but she'd fall if I did that. So I fucked her faster like she asked knowing her back was going to be scuffed up tomorrow.

The back door opened around the back. A few of the workers talked amongst themselves.

I stopped.

She shook her head. Her hands gripped my hair hard. "Don't stop." She whispered. "I want your cum."

I could cum just hearing her say it. I wasn't much of a voyeur but I could tell it got her off like a million other kinky things so I continued to fuck her. The more I pounded her the hotter it became with a potential audience and I could see why it turned her on.

Her little whimpers made it all the more dangerous because they could probably hear them.

"Fuck, I'm close," I told her.

"Yes, just like that." She moaned a bit louder.

"Did you hear that?" One of the workers said.

Shit. I was too close to stop.

I stared into her eyes.

She held a heady seduction in hers. "Fucking cum in me." She started to slip over the edge herself. "Yes!"

My hips shoved into her hard as my cock covered her walls with my cum. "Fuck!" I couldn't help the loud groan I gave and I was a little ashamed to admit it felt ten times better knowing at that point we definitely had an audience.

Her head was against the wall in ecstasy while I stayed inside her to ride out hands down one of the best orgasms of my life.

I felt our combined cum dripping down my cock.

This woman was going to get me in trouble.

I let her slide to her feet.

We stared at each other in mischief before we dashed for the car to escape the crime of very public sex.

The car wasn't big enough for our Bonnie and Clyde alter egos.

I turned the radio on my favorite rock station with the diner behind us.

She climbed out of the window and flashed the truck that rode past us. Her hollers of excitement filled the air.

"You're crazy," I pulled on her leg to get her to come back inside. "If I can't kiss other girls you can't show the world your boobs. Deal?" I said with a small laugh.

"Deal," She turned up the Marilyn Manson song. Her hand rubbed circles into my chest.

Goddamn, she had a sexual appetite that I was a bit afraid that I couldn't keep up with. But I could damn sure try.

A/N: Ummm, too much sex? A good amount? Not enough? Do yall just want them fucking every other sentence? XD Just kidding. I made this chapter a bit longer to tide you over so I could update If We Don't Leave This Town. I also wrote a new Choni fic that I think I'm going to continue. I also have a Murven one-shot I want to write.


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